364---Walkabout

So many online wishes for a happy birthday. 

Today I am 39 years old. I am grateful and deeply touched that my 40th orbit around the sun begins with the blessing and goodwill of such wonderful people. Thank you, each and every one!!!

I'm leaving Los Angeles in 90 days. Don't know where I'm going. Into the world, that's where I'm going. I asked the Lord of the Travelers to set me a course. 

On the road to somewhere, questions drive me.

Will I know when I arrive? What am I leaving? What am I in search of? 

Can a man outrun loneliness? Why does music come to me when I am still? Is that how God speaks to me? What will God say to me in the next 12 months? Will it be what I think I know? Or will I be completely abashed? 

I'm starting with what I know. I know that I was created to make music and I know that I have songs to share that are important to someone. What I don't know is who is that someone. Who does this music touch? Anyone? I feel often like I'm tossing songs into the void and no one is catching them on the other side. 

Wherever the trip takes me, I want it to be a place I can dig in and make some recordings. I'm gonna live in the music for 12 months and see what happens when I really immerse. I've always only tiptoed into this. Well, what happens if I jump? What do I have to lose?

Leslie took me to see "It Might Get Loud" with Jimmy Page, Jack White, and The Edge. Inspiring. Ryan says he counted 10 seconds from the time I walked back through the door to the time I had my guitar out of the case and started playing. 

I'm thinking of going home to Grenada. I'm also thinking of going to Africa to help Dan and Regina build. I'm thinking of going to Tuscanny, just because I want to. I'm thinking of finding a shack in the woods somewhere in Oregon.  

Maybe there's a midwest farmer who needs some help and will let me and my dog stay in a cabin at the far end of the property in exchange for working 3 days a week. 

Too improbable? I won't know if I don't ask questions. 

I know I can go home. That's my for-sure option.  

All I need on this adventure is electricity for my computer, a wireless modem so I can get online, and a quiet space to record music.

A year for intent, proactive listening to God. 

Goin' on walkabout...

What labels will I wear and which will I remove? 

I'm a man. What does that mean? 

I'm divorced. 

I'm a musician. I can't escape it. I never wanted this life. But the music is in me regardless. There's not an 'off' switch. You know that little icon that pops up in the bottom right corner of my macbook reminding me there's a new software upgrade to install? Music does that at the back of my brain. And you can click 'remind me later' only so many times. 

I'm gonna be 40 in a year. That's when guys have mid-life crises, isn't it? Well, I suppose this is mine. I think I have something to say. I'm going to say it and if anyone's listening, great. If not, people ramble aimlessly on the internet all the time. 

I'm lonely. I've got thousands of friends, and I'm lonely. I don't believe in remarriage, so I continue being lonely by my own choice. Do you know how many people think I've got some kind of co-dependent addiction to my wife? I could try to explain why I made this choice, but I'm not sure what words to choose. 

If I heard God correctly, I am supposed to wait for my wife, even if she's not waiting for me. And if I'm wrong, then I'm going to need to clear my heart before a new woman can live there. Either way, this year is about giving my heart to God so completely that only a woman that He sends could find access to me. 

And if it is my road to walk alone, I'll need to be stronger and learn how to be content with being alone. I am most times, but tonight at the restaurant, I had to keep looking down cause my eyes kept finding the attractive brunette in the corner booth. 

I'm a Seventh-Day-Adventist. It's a new label. The old one I was born with came off years ago when I thought it belonged to my folks. Imagine my surprise at finding out mid-thirties that it's actually mine. Had to have a new one made. 

I lived in Oregon for 4 years and wrote over 30 songs while I was there. Then I moved to Los Angeles and lived there for 4 years--I wrote two songs. Last week I was in Oregon for a few days and stepped out into a field with a clear view of the mountain and I heard it again. I heard that sound. And a new song began. That's part of why I've got to be alone in nature for a while. It's where the words find me. 

The Nine will know where I am. Carefully selected men I trust. 

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender.