200--Why Are You Armed?

Why Are You Armed?

Sermon by Lennox Fleary at Open Door Community Church, February 28. 2010

203--Misty Afternoon

Sun never actually made it out. I picked up Chloe, Jim and Penny's Chocolate Lab Retriever, took her and Vegas to Stuart Grenfeld park for an hour. I think I'm gonna have to take Vegas out by himself from now on. When he goes out with the young dogs, he tries to keep up and outrun them, but then he's hurting and limping the rest of the day and the next day. I gotta face it, my dog's old. See, I always wanted to be old, but I wanted my dog to stay young.

I gave my first guitar lesson today, ever. That was fun. There will be more of that. Had a coaching client also. It's funny what I consider a slow day now. ONLY 5 appointments today. Took my sweet time cooking and I do love to cook. I love the way people relate in the kitchen. Food is a rather sensual, spiritual practice, and I got to enjoy that today. Refreshing.

Stopped by the High Rack, picked out three shirts, all green.

Now I'm sitting at Union Block Coffee on 3rd street, having a cup of mint tea with honey. Outside on the corner, John Walker and Hudson McCarty are taking turns on John's guitar, playing tunes for whomever should stop to listen.

I stopped three songs worth, Tainted Love, a song I hadn't heard by the Kinks and a Dylan tune I also don't know the name of, but it was a great experience on a chill day. I learned a new strum watching John play. He's got this hammer-on thing on his upstroke. Cool!

John Mayer on the stereo, just got in a conversation with Sam the barista, excited to share that I'll be hearing John Mayer with Michael Franti at Staples Center next month. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that.

Music all around. Stop and listen.

Gonna read some now. Meeting Stevie in 40 minutes...

203--Misty Morning

For the first time in a while, I'm just sitting. I don't have to be someplace right away. This is nice. I had a slow easy wake-up last Friday morning at Wanee's place, and that was a perfect setup for the energetic demands of the weekend.

This weekend will ask for some energy also. Teaching a guitar lesson this afternoon and catching up with Stevie over drinks this evening, before rehearsal with the fellas at 8. Sharing my story at men's retreat tomorrow evening, then preaching at church on Sunday, preaching on Warfare, no less.

I'm enjoying this misty morning, with hints of blue-sky sunshine just behind the clouds. I actually want it to stay misty, but the sun is beginning to burn that away and I'll have to settle for gorgeous. Here is the basis of gratitude in my life: even when I don't get what I want, I have to settle for gorgeous.

How great is our God!

Good morning, Beautiful

Good morning, Strender

206 He Leadeth Me...Home?

The Lord is my shepherd, I got what I need. He maketh me lie down, cause I just can't seem to figure that part out unless He MAKETH me.

Is it possible? Am I finally learning to lie down when He "telleth" me before He has to "maketh" me?

Zoe told me, and it stuck in my head, that I was trying to live 20 lives in one lifetime. Coming home, I'm moving just as fast as before, if not faster, but now there's a single direction to all this motion. It's one life, fast-paced, productive, led and not longer driven. It's one life.

He leadeth me beside still waters.

Yesterday afternoon, Topher and I got back to town, dropped off the grocery bags we'd picked up at Trader Joe's, piled into Metilla (my car) with Vegas (my dog) and set off for Stuart Grenfeld park:

This is a mile from my front door!

Meet Topher. Soooo... If I'm talking with my web designer about revamping the site, all the while surrounded by nature, is that a business meeting and... is this my office?

photo by Topher Bernards

I believe the Lord is about to send me on many trips to share music and story with friends all over the world. I began to notice a few years ago what a toll it takes on mind and body and spirit.

Basically, during a concert, somehow the Holy Spirit channels through and there's a sustained power surge that leaves me pretty much running on empty. For that reason I'm extremely tired and vulnerable afterwards and I retire to be with my boys. There were three of The Nine at Saturday night's concert and they know how to circle up and provide extra cover following a power transference.

He restoreth my soul. That's what I'm thinking right there, leaning against that tree 16 hours after a concert. To restore is to return to original condition. To refurbish. To replace what was drained in the proceedings of the night before.

As I'm leaning against this tree, I'm thinking about restoration, and it occurs to me, when He restores Job, he doesn't take him back to original condition. He takes him way past that, way higher. It turns out that Job's latter days are much more abundant than his former days.

He leadeth me. Beside still water. He restoreth my soul. Better than it was to begin with.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

206--He Leadeth Me

Even when I wasn't following, He was leading. Looking back I realize that so many of the fortuitous, coincidental, serendipitous, can-you-believe-that-just-happened moments were arranged by Him. Now I see that clearly, but at the time I thought I was in charge. What if my life is not under my control? What if coincidence is His way of remaining anonymous?

Here's something I find interesting. I went to LA this weekend, to Hollywood, to Pasadena, to Yorba Linda, to Laguna Niguel. Great places to visit, populated by people whose hearts are joined to my own. Here are my favorite shots from that trip to the city:

And

Both shots taken in the company and conversation of Kharla Rendon, one of my dearly beloved friends. We were walking by the Ocean in Laguna Niguel. This beauty that God has wrought, my camera loves this because my eyes love this because my heart loves this.

I think a man's heart needs daily dosage of beauty, and without a beauty of my own to look upon daily, I am tempted to look upon a beauty not my own.

Enter Nature, the blue of sky and roar of ocean, the wild salted air and windblown landscape, in this beauty I am refreshed and my heart is nourished. This is a beauty we share. This belongs to all of us. I feast my eyes without dishonor.

I'm thinking out loud here, so bear with me. I realize that the power and beauty of art and music are also public domain and therein the security to indulge my senses at no disrespect to the relationships and commitments I have formed.

I started this blog with one thought in mind and ended up here. Topher should be here any minute. I'll get back to it later.

Kharla, thanks for the conversation.

207--Hypocrisy

I loved hanging out in LA with my Sheridanite Posse. Home is portable if you bring the right people. And I have much heart-home-love in LA also.

I think my favorite thing was seeing the different groups of my friends come together and realize how much they like each other. Then I get to watch what happens when an Anthony and an Isaac sit with a Brian and a Brianne and a Zoe and Dulce. That was fun. Here's Brian's post about that: http://mueslimorsels.blogspot.com/2010/02/forecast.html

Topher picked me up at PDX when I got back this morning. You know, an airport ride is a great way to spend a little quality time one on one with someone. I'm very much looking forward to hiking with Sean next month, but in the meantime, the 30 minutes in the car on the way to LAX at 6:00 this morning, that was a nice upgrade from emails and text messages.

Haven't seen Topher's ideas yet for the website upgrades. Looking forward to that. He's excited about the project. I'm excited about having his talent and skill on board.

Cut my sugar intake significantly last couple weeks as the concert approached. I think that's just going to remain in place as a nutritional protocol.

I love ice cream. Tillamook Oregon Strawberry. Every couple weeks there's gonna have to be an ice-cream get-down, but I'm cutting out candies and sugared pastries and such "treats" in between. I hadn't noticed how much of what I eat is sugar-laden, and so far, I'm just talking about main culprits. There's also incognito sugar, ninja fructose all over the place.

Thursday before last, I had to pick something up from Isaac at work. So I took in the candy I had bought a couple days earlier for my co-workers. Skittles and Mike & Ike's and Snickers. As I set this tupperware full of sugar on the filing cabinet and walked away, I wondered, "Is this hypocrisy? Why am I leaving them something I wouldn't eat myself?"

Or how about wine? I boycotted alcohol recently because of the way someone I love is depending on it for comfort. Do I think it's wrong to drink alcohol? No, I don't. I have favorite wines and favorite beers and favorite bars. I'm also aware that I'm not operating at sharpest capacity when I've imbibed.

I'm in a high-performance phase of life and ministry right now, and can't afford even moments of less-than-all-I've-got-to-give ability. I'm pressing for a level of real that requires presence of mind and body and spirit at all times.

Like I said, I'm protesting the counterfeit comfort several of my most special humans have substituted for real. So is it hyprocrisy for me to give wine to other people? I mean, because I'm not eating sugar, does that mean I should not have a candy dish on the counter for my guests?

What do you think?

205--post concert: Laguna Niguel SDA

3am--airport in 3 hours to head back to Portland. Concert was great. I need to sleep, but I just wanted to take a minute first to thank all of you who came out. I had a really good time and I hope you did too.

Cecilia, thanks for running the sales table for us. Wanee, you took care of my crew like rockstars. I love it!! You fed us and made us comfortable and welcomed us into your home and we really appreciate that so very much. Joelle, I'm amazed at the effort you gave, putting up posters at local businesses and hosting us at the church. Bobby, excellent job on sound, you're great to work with.

I think more than anything tonight underscored for me that what the Lord has called me to, is not something I can do alone, and I need you guys. But more than that, I really like you guys. I love the people God has assigned me to be family with. Thanks for all the hugs and smiles. Thanks for being a part of the story He is telling in me. Thanks for your prayers.

Because of your generosity this evening, we recouped costs of travel and we'll be able to record a song with Isaac and Anthony when we get back to Sheridan. It's a song called "Sometimes."

I'll tell you more about the song later.

I'll be back in LA next month, March 25 through 28th. Until then, thanks again for your hospitality and your generosity and your love.

May the peace of Christ dwell in your hearts 'til the next time we get down.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

207--That's Love

Julie Kim just sent me this link and I read it this morning first thing while I was still lying down: http://teaandcookies.blogspot.com/2010/02/got-love-in-your-life.html

Stayed in bed until 9, just laid there emailing. Cecilia is gonna set up the merchandise table for tomorrow night. I'm getting over to Rafi's place and pick up some candles. Gotta find a great pair of mismatched socks for the Funky Socks Contest prize.

But right now, I'm just sitting here basking in the company of my band and their wives, enjoying Wanee's hospitality. Oatmeal and granola with fresh strawberries, blackberries and blueberries.

She says, "for healthy living, eat breakfast like a king, eat lunch like a queen, and dinner like a pauper."

Breakfast like a king...CHECK.

Today's off to a good start. I gotta go now. She just arrived with green tea for everyone. Anthony dived in and is making warm sounds.

I'm out. peace...

Have a great day, Beautiful

See you on the flip, Strender

208--Hollywood, again

I looked out the front glass windows and saw Dennis getting something out of the car. So I walked out to the parking lot to say hello.

Hugs..."Good to see you"

It felt so natural, it was like I'd seen him yesterday. That's one of the things I've learned about love and relationship. You let people in your heart, they become a part of your soul, defiant of space or time.

Earlier today I heard Commander Blake Chow of the LAPD deliver the keynote speech at a luncheon mixer for the Los Angeles City Employees Asian American Association. I was there as Wanee's guest. Can I just tell you, Wanee is an amazing host!!!! She took me to lunch at that mixer. Then she befriended my band and took them to dinner. Now we're all crashed out at her place, just had tea and everyone's dozing off. She really, really hooked up my crew and I appreciate it so much.

There are some people I just simply cannot accomplish my mission without. Wanee is one of them. Darlene is another. I love it that the assignment has now grown way larger than one person can manage. Darlene takes phenomenal photographs and posts them where people can see them. Makes me look good.

Topher is working on the new website. The guy is brilliant and, O so creative. Isaac's guitar licks and Anthony's rhythm chops are going to treat our audience to some happy healthy funkliciousness night after tomorrow. The last couple weeks General's been such a support to me. I mean, it takes a lot to accomplish the tasks at hand, but God also provides so many amazing people who make it happen. Thanks to all of you...

photo by Leslie Foster

Good rehearsal tonight, late night with Isaac, Anthony, Daniel, Keaver and Maria. Much appreciation to Amelia and Hannah and Wanee for just hanging out while we worked on the music. Little things like presence and support make the world of difference to us.

Brian couldn't make it tonight but we're gonna get together and do a long sound check on Saturday afternoon. We were thinking of getting there a bit early to set up sound after potluck.

I should go to bed, but I'm all wound up now and can't sleep.

I'm gonna try.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

210--swirling

Just back from a great rehearsal with the Worship Community. I'm quiet. A couple of my co-workers observed that I seem quieter than usual. Not much to say, really. There's a lot of swirling motion inside. We'll see what shifts and what settles.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

211--raw

I know God can hear and handle whatever I need to say.

Have you ever began a conversation with God with the line "Now I don't want to be irreverent, but..."

I just had one of those in the sanctuary a couple minutes ago. End of the day, there are some things I'll only tell Him. And I can't even get too far into it before the knowledge of who He is brings me down to calm and I have to admit that what I'm pissed about isn't that big a deal. I picture Him sitting there patiently allowing me to steam and rant, counting amused seconds until I say, "Ok, I need to love this person and I'm out of grace, may I have some more, please?"

And then I hear Him saying, "My grace is enough, you already have enough, you just focused on something else for a minute, it's ok, I understand you're human."

I can't be very angry, very long in prayer. Seems the best thing to do at those times. Just talk to Poppa, and let it go.

I'm gonna roll some t-shirts and go to bed.

peace bewitch ya

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

211--Hit the ground

5:26am I got on the treadmill. Set it to 4mph, and read Psalm 144 and a couple verses from 2 Corinthians. That took 4-and-a-half minutes. Then 8 minutes at 7mph. At the exact close of the 12th minute, off the mill and to the next station where I did 50 sit-up. Then a couple stretches and 10 ab-curls.

About to hop in the shower before breakfast. This week must be productive, so I'm in that zone. Very much enjoyed a day of productive rest yesterday. It's tricky for me to not keep my mind engaged while I rest, to not use that time thinking of all the things it will allow me to do more effectively when I get back to work.

Yesterday did not accomplish deepest levels of rest. Never fully unplugged, but there were moments. As I restore that rhythm my body and mind will remember to let go. When I lived in Hollywood, a day per week was set aside as a "Lennox-isn't-here-and-does-not-exist-even-if-you-think-you-saw-him day. I've let go of that rhythm in the move back home. The result is that even on Sabbath, I'm thinking and moving inside, though outside would appear to be at rest. Those times when I do rest there is still a program on the desktop. I think yesterday might be the first time in a long while that I completely shut off the machine. I can feel the difference.

Coming into the week with fresh focus, let me share the first thing I read today, from Psalm 144, verse 1:

Praise to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge.

Thought begins to take flight and I must follow. Time for breakfast.

Have a great day, Beautiful...

Strender, prepare for battle

212--Happy Daytona 500

Sitting in my favorite rocking chair, watching the race with General and Vegas.

Concert checklist:

tshirts--check

cd's (My Father's House)--check

cd's (Live with Sturtevant)--in progress, Isaac's on it, 100 copies, living-room recordings

programs--Kharla's working on it. Thinking about when to do the funky-sock contest.

business cards--Topher's working on it

ride to PDX--Darlene, I gotta get her flight times

ride from LAX to Purple Church---Ryan, I gotta email him flight times

ride to LAX a week from today for flight back home--Sean, gotta email him flight times

Ate past full, Popeye's chicken. This is the second race I've watched. Starting to get it a little. Beginning to recognize names. Denny Hamlin, Jeff Gordon...

Ok, yeah, I only recognize a couple names, but that's better than a year ago. It's a bummer that the race is on hold because of the track repair situation, but for me it's perfect. While things are on hold, the commentary is allowing me to learn more about the drivers and become more sympathetic to their stories. End of the day, if I can ride along with the story, I'll take to the track.

Wow!!! last week after church I asked Jelena to draw me something I could use as the artwork for the song Seize The Moments. She had it to me by Thursday and it is amazing. We're using it as the cover for a new cd of home-made recordings from Isaac's living room. Isaac is amazing with cd design, great visual instincts.

212--Happy Valentine's Day

Vegas is getting old. We've been together coming up on 12 years! I remember the day he picked me. I hate it that death is one of the rules of this world. It's just rude, the way it interrupts life and relationship. I've really enjoyed my time with this animal. In the next few years one of us will have to wish the other Godspeed until we meet again. Do dogs go to heaven? If they do, this one should.

I don't know the story of St. Valentine, and I'm sure google would gladly tell it to me, but I'm not in the mood to search right now. I've been for a walk, sat by the fire, feeling very content and cozy = not motivated toward research at this moment. These are the lazy musings of a man detached.

I love so many people. I'm loved by so many people. Life is full of this honorable exchange. This weekend and today, I consider what it means that I love my family above and beyond all others. If I love them more, does that also mean I feel safe enough in their company to be the person I truly am when other's aren't watching? Why do we yell at each other and degrade with our words those we claim to love more than the rest?

One time Suzanne said to me, "I wish you would treat me like you treat your friends." I totally get what she meant. I give respect to acquaintances and colleagues who aren't stuck with me and have to stay here and take my crap. But I forget to give the same respect to the people who are stuck with me, either because of a promise they made or because this where they landed.

This dog is my family and that means he gets my time and attention today and everyday, first and before the many phone calls and emails that clamor for attention. I want to meet new people and I want to tell stories to excited new faces and I want to sell you my cds and tshirts, and we're gonna do that, but my highest ministry call is to the ones who dwell with me--Vegas, my church, my village.

Why do pastor's wives and children feel the neglect of watching their men love tenderly and fiercely outside, come home too exhausted to give any more, and simply refuel in silence the better to sally forth again? Am I exaggerating? The why do PK's have the reputation we do? Something inside tells us it's unfair to know that a man capable of such love will direct his attentions everywhere but home to the ones closest and allegedly most precious. All this in the name of God and one begins to question God's way of loving.

By the way, this isn't a dogs-are-people-too Valentines message. I'm just saying the dog is the one who's perceived as having less power in this relationship, and we can tell a lot about your Love ethic by the way you treat those who cannot demand of you. They can only ask. Sure you love those who can do something for you, those you perceive as having power over you. But do your children and your dog agree that you are a loving person?

'Cause I'll take their word for it.

Janelle, thanks for letting me hold the baby.

Happy Valentine's Day, Beautiful...

Go Love your family, Strender

215--Post Rehearsal

Not going to Arizona this weekend after all. We're rescheduling for later in the year. Immediately there's the opportunity to fill this weekend with visits and encounters here in Oregon. But I think I'm really going to just rest and rehearse this weekend. I have a couple dinners and conversations already committed. Nothing new. Just going to read and relax and take naps in between singing and playing my guitar, which, after an entire 2-hour rehearsal, did not run out of tune. Thank you, Ken Cartwright.

Another good rehearsal with the guys tonight. That's our third rehearsal for the concert in CA next week. We feel like we need at least another. I mean, it's gonna be great when we've been playing together for months and we've tightened up our turns and made more mid-song appointments with each other, but for the concert next week, we gotta at least put in one more session.

I love these guys' musicianship. They're so full of surprises. We're working on Calling It Joy this evening, and Anthony sort of mind-wanders for a few seconds and then comes back with this straight-up authentic caribbean beat.

I was like, "how does an italian boy from an Oregon smalltown have that in him?"

He's like, "O yeah, one time when I was in high school I heard this Brazilian percussion group... so right now I just thought, what would they play?"

The thing that Kevin and Anthony do on State of Compromise is so right, me and Isaac should just walk off stage and get something to drink while they're playing, cause it doesn't need anything else.

Darlene's doing a photo shoot with the band pretty soon.

In the meantime, quick one-shot while chatting after rehearsal, here's Isaac. He's my friend. He plays a mean guitar. You should come meet him at our concert in Laguna Niguel on the 20th. Then he'll be your friend too, if you ask nicely.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

215--Cartwright

"Man, happy guitars don't do that!"

That's Isaac in reference to my guitar running out of tune every few songs.

"You gotta get that guitar happy. You need Ken Cartwright."

I called Ken today and he happened to have a slot in his schedule to see my guitar. Thanks so much for your time, sir. I'll have to take it back in when it can stay longer so we can get that brace tightened and the edges re-strapped. We'll get to that after I come back from California.

Now grabbing some dinner and off to rehearsal with Kevin at 6; Isaac and Anthony join us at 7.

Keep it pushin'....

216--Schlepping

General asked me how I like my job.

I love my job!!!

In a down economy, when people are enduring 24-month stretches without employment, I arrived here on Friday and started work the following Monday. Because of relationship. They say it's all about who you know. I say it's all about who knows you. Stevie Whited and Jeff Meader and Tim Moore and Melissa Fredrickson combined their good will toward me with the providential result that I have a job.

Today I'll schlep 50-pound boxes from table to pallet, from one pallet to another, from the ground up to a stack at full reach of my vertical extension. These are taxing movements on the body. Resistance causes strengthening. Other people pay to go to the gym--I get paid.

Today I'll learn new software operations and internal company protocols. I'll forget things and make mistakes and course-correct or submit to the watchfulness of someone less absent-minded. It's an exercise in presence. I have to focus and stay right there in that moment, concentrated on the particular task in front of me.

Sure I'm excited about the possibility of traveling to Arizona this weekend, but today, for the next 11 hours, my hands belong to cardboard and wine, 50 pounds at a time. Whatsoever your hands are doing, give it all you got.

I told General I've loved all my jobs. Not only because I've always seemed to work with amazing people, but because I've really only ever had one job--Music Facilitator.

The titles vary, and the uniform, but the job is the same: When I'm calling bingo numbers, I'm getting money so we can eat and pay rent so we can live and be strong so we can make music. When I'm coordinating and producing a video shoot or a film project, I'm earning value so we can gain resource so we can continue the dance of making music.

This year He continues to pull the curtains further back. It's not the music that I love so much--it's the connection that it fosters between us. Between me and Him. Between me and you. Between us and Him. It's the meeting place, the common ground. That the common ground is the holy ground, this is what intrigues me.

To stand in that place, to dwell there, I would do what it takes, with a smile. I would schlep boxes today, and love it.

photo by Julie Kim

Have a great day, Beautiful...

Shoulder up, Strender

217--There's a difference

There's a difference between being busy and being productive. There's a difference between being driven and being led. There's a difference between being called and being chosen. Many are called--few are chosen.

There's a difference between being talented and being skilled. I am weary with being talented.

Also, this just in. I'm not a nice person. No seriously, I often consider it a non-compliment when someone refers to me as nice. Then I realize, they're not trying to insult me, they just don't know me all that well. There's a difference between being kind and being nice.

Good morning, Beautiful...

Good morning, Strender

220--Mayor's Ball

It's 12:32 in the morning and I'm just getting home from the Mcminnville Mayor's Ball. Such a good time. I was there as a guest of Kristi's, to whom congratulations are due for her promotion to branch manager, US Bank, Corvallis, Oregon.

I met some amazing people this evening, including the Mayor.

Now I'm printing song charts for the worship team for tomorrow's music. Actually, it's almost one in the morning, so I should say today's music. We're going to invite the community to focus on Holiness during this worship time. God's holiness and the holiness he inspires, creates, imparts and bestows on us.

On the way home from the Mayor's Ball, stopped by Leroy Critcher's studio and met him, finally. He was playing live music with Grady O'Kenzie on upright bass. They graced us with an incredible performance of a Sonny Rollins tune, and I knew from the first phrase that I'd like to be taught by this guy. Cards and numbers exchanged, I'll be in touch with Leroy early this week to schedule a lesson. He also offered that I could play at his shop some Saturday night to open for his duo. What an honor that would be!

I love to dance. And dance we did, this evening at the Mayor's Ball.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

222--Exhausted

Tired from a full day. 7 hours of music rehearsal today! The last two hours of that was with Kevin Nichols on bass, Isaac on guitar, Anthony on drums, and Lennox on cloud 9. Much lovin' it.

Tomorrow I'm gonna have to chill, seriously. I'm deep-fried. I want to just put my feet up, and read. Eat some good grub and move slowly. Does my body even remember how to sleep in? Let's find out.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender