361---Faith and Journalism

"I know without a doubt in my mind that God will reward you greatly with a woman that will surpass all your wildest expectations. She will blow you away, walk the path with you, and honor you as a Godly man.  Prepare yourself for her, learn what God will teach you about love, and look forward to the day...."

That's a quote from a friend who wanted to go on record as having made that prediction. He knows how lonely I am and wants to reassure me that the Lord will provide a companion. 

I have faith in my Father to meet my needs. I guess this is as good a time as any to explain my choice. I chose to wait for my wife in full knowledge she may never come back, and I've made peace with being alone for the rest of my life. 

I know I'm free to go. I get it. God told me that years ago at the beginning of this conversation. 

There are a couple different ways of questioning in regards to divorce and reconciliation. One is, what is the least I have to do? Translation, what can I get away with? What's my minimum? When have I fulfilled the requirements of law? When am I done, free to go?

There's another line of questions we might pursue, one we choose less often. What is the most that I could do? Translation, what would make my Father smile? What would represent Him best?  What's my maximum? How far can I go? Free to go, also means free to stay. 

If Jesus had asked the first set of questions, we'd all be screwed. 

Choice. He chose to stay. 

I chose to stay, to hope for reconciliation. My reason isn't an idealistic, romanticized ignorance of reality. This is what I believe marriage to be--a commitment that lasts as long as life. No matter what. Unconditionally. 

Over 50% of marriages in the US are ending in divorce anyway. And I wonder if we're asking the right questions. 

I hear Christians raising our voices about the terms and definitions of marriage. We want to protect this sacred institution from being usurped. We band together with printed banners decrying what we know marriage is not. I would agree, but I am not worthy to raise my voice. I am still being taught what marriage is. 

I believe God is preparing me to be a better husband. I believe I will have a loving wife, just like the one described in my friend's prediction. There's just a slight catch. I'm already married. The only woman I would believe God sent me is the woman I'm already committed to. 

To this another friend responds, 

"but you're limiting God." 

Seems to me that we replace the impossible with a more likely outcome because we're afraid to believe He can do impossible things. So it would seem easier to just pick someone else and start over. But isn't that limiting God? Isn't that our own limited belief causing us to rush in and help Him? Give Him something easier than impossible to work on? I mean, we all know dead means dead. Maybe we should find someone more compatible for Him to perform the miracle on.  

Here's the thing. To believe that Jesus actually died and was raised to life, is to believe an impossibility. It's flat out impossible to reverse death. But if, and I say IF, if I believe that it actually happened, then why should I have trouble believing this same God can be trusted at His promise to restore a dead marriage? 

I know He can, and if He chooses to, great. If He does not, I'm not going to pretend it isn't what I wanted. And I'm not going to say He didn't promise or that it was all in my imagination. All that would accomplish is a clearer shot at the ever-desirable happy ending. I'm looking for real, and I'll take happy too, if it comes. But I won't sacrifice real to get happy. 

To report a thing that's already happened is an act of journalism. To report a thing that is not yet done is an act of faith. I believe He asked me to speak it now, before my eyes can see it, so that this impossible thing will be known as His doing. 

Even as I type this I'm in conversation with a rejected husband who is about to throw in the towel. I have nothing to say but that I pray healing for your heart and strength for your spirit, my brother, my friend. It's a lonely road, and painful. I don't wish it on anyone. 

My dear friend, I am so grateful for your offering of goodwill. I know my pain hurts people who care about me. I am sorry for making a choice that perpetuates that. But there is more at stake here than our comfort. 

Please consider that I've valued the cost, and I'll pay, as the Lord strengthens me and gives grace. 

Nobody made me take the red pill. I chose my questions. 

This year is about something different. Let's talk about music. Music seems to be where the Captain is taking me next..

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender.