1-starting from zero

This is my final entry in this blog. Thank you for reading and contributing to it. I'll continue blogging, but tomorrow I'll blog directly to my website www.lennoxfleary.com

Tomorrow I will have completed 40 trips in a cosmic circle. Maybe I've learned something from going round all these times. This blog was a record of my 40th orbit around the sun, hence the countdown to zero in the title numbers.

The new blog will document the adventure I've dubbed "Three Thousand Bosses"

By car and rail, I'll be traversing states and nations, meeting people and making music. Kristi and Ray blessed me by saying they think this will end with way more than 3000 Bosses. We shall see. The new blog will count upward starting from zero. The orbit ends, the hiring begins.

At the precise moment of change, everything goes to zero.

Thanks for your support.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

2--Final Frontier

I got my heart broken today. When I looked to see who had done it, I saw only myself.

5--Drunken

One hour massage from Eva Rose at Knowledge Massage this afternoon. Amazing! I love her holistic approach to care. She's ministering to your spirit as well as relaxing and healing your body. Funny thing, I had some kind of euphoria afterward, so I showed up at Cornerstone to meet with Janna, sporting the most loving attitude. I could hear the universe singing. I could feel my skin flirting with my shirt.

I was like that drunk guy at the bar who loves everybody. You know the guy, "drinks for everyone!"

That's pretty much how I was at 4:30 this afternoon. Massages for everyone, I'm buying. Then I realized I can't afford to buy all of you guys a massage, but it's only $35 an hour right now, plus there's a special introductory offer. Blah, blah, blah, I love you. Call Eva NOW!!!

If you live near 97128, check out Knowledge Massage.

503-857-5563

I'm serious. I'm not drunk. For real. For serious.

5--Chellie Campbell Article: Everyone's In Sales

I went back to Los Angeles in 2005, worked at Carsdirect.com for a few months and then moved into video production at EyeAppeal Media, a videography company out of Canoga Park. The owners are long time friends of mine--I went to college with Deedra.

Deedra would send me out to networking functions to meet and greet vendors and suppliers who might have interest or relevant need for our services. I met some amazing people during those networking tours. I also learned how to deliver a 30-second "elevator speech."

One of the most dynamic personalities I encountered at a WRS (Worthwhile Referral Source) meeting was Chellie Campbell, who simply captivates an audience from the very first moment. I learned many things from her, although we never had more than two brief conversations. I have continued to receive her emails since 2006, and more than once now I have noticed subroutines in my thinking about money and wealth, that were likely installed by her writing and persona.

Here is an article included in a recent email from Chellie:

# 204 Everyone’s in Sales

“I don’t care how many degrees you have on the wall, if you don’t know how to sell, you’re probably going to starve.”—George Forman

Some of the stories in this book look like they’re meant just for salespeople and business owners. They aren’t. If you are a salaried employee, someone owns the business you work for and someone is in charge of raising the money to run it. Top salaries and perks are handed out to the people who are best at bringing in the money. Learn how they do it and contribute to the cause. Be one of the people who care about cash flow, cutting expenses, maximum efficiency, and productivity. Look for opportunities to maximize income and minimize expenses. Anyone can do this. Put yourself in your bosses’ shoes and think as they think. What do you think they want most—and how can you give them that? Be one of the profit centers of the business and your success will be assured.

Everyone is in sales. When you convince your significant other to go with you to the movie you want to see, that’s a sale. When you convince your child to stay in school, that’s a sale. When you convince a friend to stop drinking, that’s a sale.

I’m reminded of a conversation I had one day with a boyfriend named Bobby. I was trying to convince him to go with me to a movie. Well, Bobby was a salesperson too, and all of a sudden noticed all the sales techniques I was using on him. He said, “Chellie, you are closing all the time and you don’t even know you’re doing it!”

When I said, “Well, you know you want to see me,” he said, “That’s the Assumptive Close!” I continued, “And we could either go see that romantic comedy or the spy movie” and he said, “That’s the Alternative of Choice Close!” I said, “We would have fun, get to laugh, eat popcorn, have some balance in our lives, and the only down side is taking some time away from work.” “Benjamin Franklin Close!” Bobby hooted. “So what do you think?” I said, and stopped talking. Bobby didn’t say anything either. After a long silence, Bobby said, “Final Close, and The Next One Who Speaks Loses. I guess that’s me.” And so we went to the movies!

We’re all making sales every day. Use your powers of persuasion to convince others to contribute to your charity, organize political action, improve the schools in your community, or help you turn a hobby into a money-making home business. Help your company to make more money—and then convince the powers that be to give you a raise. The raise will not come automatically—you have to ask for it and show the reasons why you deserve it. It’s a sale.
You are a marvelous, creative human being and endless opportunities await you. Look for them. Then sell your way into them.

Today’s Affirmation: “I am a marvelous, creative person and wonderful opportunities await me.”

Please feel free to copy this article and use it wherever you like. Just include the following “author box” for attribution:

Chellie Campbell is the creator of the Financial Stress Reduction® Workshops, and author of The Wealthy Spirit and Zero to Zillionaire. She has been prominently quoted as a financial expert in the Los Angeles Times, Good Housekeeping, Lifetime, Essence, Woman’s World and more than 50 popular books. She can be reached at Chellie@chellie.com

6--yearning learning

Out of the depths of anguish, my soul cried to the Lord...Isn't that something David would say? Or did he actually say exactly that? There's a song my worship team's been learning and singing lately. I think it's from the Jesus Culture band out of Redding, CA. It's starts off..."my soul longs for you, nothing else will do"...

I've remarked over and again that I don't feel qualified to sing that since I don't really feel like my soul actually longs for God. I can't honestly say that I desire so greatly to be with God that I would define my need as a longing, or a yearning.

On Friday I was part of a conversation about personality types, as profiled by the Myers Briggs Indicator system. I'm an undoubted introvert. Yesterday Christopher said, I keep thinking, "what! Lennox is an invert?"

It's true. After enough time with people, I want to come away and be alone in the silence that allows me to heal something within. It's a familiar pattern. I've seen it and practiced it to the point of ritual. Except, now it's not working so good....

What to do when silence is not enough? I think of Merna's posting, "Do I hear you in my silence?"

Well, do I?

And is this growing desire for more, the beginning of a yearning? Is this how yearning happens? I'm quite sure I don't want human company. Vegas, at least, ignores my crazy antics and all the things I say to the walls.

My soul longs for you

My soul longs for you

Nothing else will do

Nothing else will do

I believe you will come like the rain.

Good thing I moved to Oregon.

So, um....ah, well...

let it rain?

7-Moving In Your Power

Seems I've regained the ability to sleep in. And having dreams, to boot. Time to return to the "real" world. Spent an entire weekend at worship with family, couple hundred of my closest friends.

Got lost in this song I'm recording bass for. It's by Truth Knox, long-time family. 4 hours pumping the same message through my headphones yesterday, and again this morning. It's amazing how you internalize what you feed into your senses. I'm listening to it right now as I prepare for work.

When the final mix is available, I have Truth's permission to include this song in the "Bosses" section of the new website.

I remember why I became a bass player. It's a quiet, unobtrusive position. If I do my job well, you don't need to know I'm there. If all goes well, I can remain relatively invisible. Shouldn't draw any attention unless I'm messing up or doing too much. This track let's me do that, support without being seen.

God does what He does--I just work here.

Have a great day, Beautiful

Time to name your exit date, Strender

11--Windrose

Windrose Retreat Center in Newberg, beautiful space. Right next to the highway, I've driven past this location so many times and never even knew it was here. It's almost 3 pm. I've been with this company for 7 hours now. I feel their passion and I admire their tenacity. I hope this conversation is helpful to them. I'm wondering if I'm helping? Is this just an annoying exercise for them?

11--Retreat

Off to Newberg to facilitate company retreat for a manufacturing company based in Mcminnville. That's all day from 8am to 5pm, and then in the car to head straight to Brownsville for church retreat, Festival of Tents.

I was telling the Osterlunds, I'm not a camper. Not so much. As in, not really at all. So I borrowed Corey's rachet set yesterday, took the back seat out of my SUV and stuck a single mattress in the back there. Perfect fit. This was my favorite accomplishment yesterday. I don't see the point of losing sleep on a retreat for lack of comfort.

13--Up on the hill

Dinner with the Osterlunds--so much laughter. Last time I spoke at church, I went off on a metaphor of Power and how it can only be accessed by maintaining connection. At the end of the service, John Osterlund came up to me and said,

"You know, there's no power without resistance."

We picked up from there tonight. The electrical conduit that brings the power to the bulb is designed with low resistance, because its job is to get the power to where it's needed. But the place where work must be accomplished is waylaid with resistance, because it's the action of power against resistance that makes that light bulb glow, or those fan-blades spin.

I learn a lot from my conversations with John. Tonight he challenged my self-righteousness about playing music to drunk audiences.

"There's probably no one closer to depending on Jesus than drunks and drug addicts--they've already learned how to depend..."

Hmmm, John, I think you're right. I was wrong. Even though I know in my heart that God loves us exactly where we are, I spoke out of my insecurity. Thank you for the reminder. I'm finding that age 40 seems a good time to outgrow the illusion of self-righteousness. It's when you've lived long enough to know you're a jackass, and long enough to realize Jesus likes you still. I suppose I should use my last 13 days to feel as right as possible before I lose that claim entirely.

Feeling pretty humbled today. Cathy called me on the fact I have too many people in my life and can't keep up with all of them. The 18 unchecked voicemail messages on my phone agree. Well, 17 of them agree. Truth just calls to talk to my voicemail anyway--they have a thing. If she accidentally gets me on the phone, she'll talk to me too, but really, I know when I'm just a substitute.

Don't know what to do about the fact there are so many people in my life, but I've been thinking about it for years. And I know one thing I do want to change by living in the same place for a long while, is how well I'm known. I not only want to know many people, but live with, dwell among, and be deeply known, by a few. Somewhere in this balance of family and community and world, there is room to connect at the level each relationship can bear. Hence, dinner. With the Osterlunds.

I was sad today so I ate peanut butter cookies, which made me sadder cause they don't taste as good as I want them to. Cantaloupe is so much better.

14--in passing

God is supplying what I need. Work is not back up to full speed. I'm getting 8 hours a day times three days is 24 hours a week compared to my usual 34.5 In the meantime I have ample opportunity to watch him provide. People have been bringing me food, unsolicited. They just show up with food, or money. I just opened mail with money in it that I didn't ask for.

On the way to Darlene's to pick up Vegas this afternoon, I thought, "better duck in and pay the internet bill now or I won't have a chance until next week." So I stopped.

Heading into the Cable office, I heard my name, but it took me a second to realize the person calling me was Pastor Randy, whom I've not seen in years. He's talking to another pastor, conversations go a couple minutes before I'm being invited to come and share music. Can't seem to steer away, even if I'd want to, so good thing I don't want to.

Got 25 recordings ready to go to Topher for inclusion on the new site. Don't know how he's gonna set up the video section, but I'm working on video content next. I'd like to have a lot of video content, so we may have to keep the content on Youtube or Vimeo and link it from the site. Not sure how it's gonna work. But he's the man and I'm sure he'll connect it right.

Tonight's rehearsal is the last before our team leads worship at Festival this weekend. We've worked hard the last few months.

What does it say when it's only Tuesday, and your shoulders are begging for Sabbath?

Anthony asked me if I was to ride a motorcycle, what kind would I get? I don't know. I like that one that Liana used to ride. What kind was that?

Don't forget that on September 14, I'm shutting down this blog and starting the new blog: 3000 Bosses.

See you there!

15--Sorrel

So back home in the caribbean, we call it 'Sorrel.' Here it's called 'Jamaica,'

(prounounced ha-my-kah). It's a chilled tea brewed from the dried seedpod casings of a hibiscus relative. Made some, as promised, to take with me to spend some time with Katie and Nidia this evening.

Tim, Katie's brother, joined us. He's recently back from Japan. Very smart young man. I'm sure I'll continue to be impressed with his thoughtful way. Anthony and Hannah joined us too, and pretty soon we had a little party going at the kitchen table while Boy Scouts traipsed past us to their weekly meeting down the hall. That reminds me, I want to get over there to one or more of their meetings, but when would I find the time for that?

No time, not enough. See, this is why eternity becomes important. I don't have enough time to do all the stuff I already know about. Haven't been to the Japanese school yet. When I first met Nidia and Katie a couple or three months ago, I asked, "what do you like about Sheridan?" Their response was to tell me about the amazing exchange program school here in Sheridan, insisting it's one of the best things that's happened to our town, and encouraging me to go check it out. Haven't done that yet. Need more time. Must have more time.

Lots of rambling conversation, maybe not so random, but without question my favorite quote of the evening is this from Nidia:

"I hate pickles..they're just cucumbers soaked in...evil"

16--Vulnerable

Every time I perform I come home so tired. I think it's something about opening your soul in public, allowing power, whatever you believe that power to be, to flow unabated through your spirit, mind, body. It's exhausting to remain vulnerable, isn't it? Be it on stage or off, the dynamics of connection remain the same. Defenses are removed and you are seen as you are.

Four such engagements in 2 days. This morning found me curled on my couch next to my dog, praying for strength to get off my couch. Simple thing, I should be able to do this on my own. But I have now to pray for strength for the simplest of tasks. It appears rather than growing stronger, I'm getting weaker by the minute. Rather than rising to power, I seem to be fading into obscurity. This is as it should be.

I'm ready for today. I would have dearly loved to have someone to come home to last night, but that is not my situation. I realize I'm watching Stargate because the characters have become family to me. FAMILIAR is derived from family and that's what they provide--a small but familiar comfort in the illusion of someone(s) to come home to. They are episodic and can comfort me no more than 45 minutes at a time, if that.

I also came home to an email from my real family, my biologicals. It referred me to this song, which is now playing as I prepare for today's adventures.

Thank you Beautiful

Off the couch, Strender

17--Breathe

Woke up with a headache. That's been happening more of late. Not sleeping very well. Very shallow breathing. I'll consciously draw deep breaths, but within minutes I forget and go back to quick, shallow breathing until the next time I think about it.

Today the worship team is getting together for a retreat, in preparation for leading music at Festival of Tents next weekend in Brownsville. We'll be together from 9 to 3 today.

I'm also playing at a fundraiser for a mission trip, 5pm at Clockworks coffeeshop in Salem.

Speaking of playing, the band last night was really good. I couldn't hear so well, but I trust that it sounded fine out there, judging by peoples' response. We were playing at Methven Family Vineyards and by the first intermission, we had an invitation to play down the road at Brooks Winery.

I got to meet Jonah. He's a delightful kid. I am so impressed with his parents and the campaign they are spearheading. And I'm very proud of my friend Melissa who organized such an amazing and elegant event last night. It really was spectacular.

By the time I get home today, I'll want to exercise my rights as an introvert. It's the weirdest dichotomy, loving people as much as I do, craving time alone, being present in each phase. When I'm with people, I'm loving that moment and the shared connection. When I'm alone, I'm remembering to breathe deeply and rest and stand in the river and play with my dog. Without the rest I could not collect my thoughts or repair my body enough to have energy for the other phase. Without the people, I'd grow rested and stronger without purpose. Strength without purpose is rogue strength. It's an un-focused power which can do only damage, or at best, sporadic and accidental good.

I'm gonna lay here and breathe a while longer. Then we'll sing and eat like family.

19--Faster and faster

So yesterday I received an invitation to coach a company at an offsite retreat during a period of company growth. With commitments as they currently stand I had to rearrange a couple things to make it fit the schedule, but we can work it out. I have reached that stage where I have to say no to some things. This one seemed important to say yes to.

In my work as a Life Coach I facilitate life design for several clients. I need to revisit my own planning process because now there's so much happening that I need to make decisions about what stays and what goes.

For the next 4 months, I'm still carrying responsibility to my job, but the ministry and business are reaching launch velocity. I think I can handle all of it for 4 months, but that will mean very judicious use of time and I will have to say no to many things I would like to engage.

My alliteration for the day, 3D: Do, Delete, Delegate. This is how I'm going to approach my life design. Some things I'll have to do myself, as I'm am essential to that part of the process, but some things that have to be done, don't have to be done by me. I can delegate much. And some things simply won't get done and they'll be deleted from the plan.

I'm spending today preparing mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually for the Fundraiser event tomorrow. We've begun each rehearsal with prayer not just for a good synergy as musicians, but for healing for Jonah. I am not just a musician, I'm a man of faith and I believe that God can heal this boy without research.

I got in a conversation with someone about this type of faith being labeled "magic faith." The connotation of archaic simplicity was attached to the label.

I do have faith in medical process, and I think that the knowledge on which that process draws is bestowed by a source, an all-knowing source, with benevolent intent.

Do you see what I'm getting at here? If you're a praying person, join us in this. I'm also excited that the band is going to deliver a great performance tomorrow to entertain our guests and hopefully encourage them to give money to the medical research of a cure for Jonah. Do I need to feel this conflict about supporting both efforts? Are they mutually exclusive? Does it betray my faith in Divine Power to organize human efforts?

How do faith and work walk hand in hand?

27--Heavy

It's been about 3 years since that conversation with Fayez. We met through a mutual friend, Bjorn, at a crucial time in my journey through Hollywood.

Fayez grew up Muslim. Of the things we talked about, there is this gem that revisits me tonight:

"It is customary in my culture to say to someone experiencing hardship or difficult circumstance, God must like you!"

"I know it seems weird to say, but the idea is that God must like you to entrust you with such a large burden. He must think well of you and believe that you are worthy of honor, or He would not give you such a task to accomplish. He must think your character is highly valuable to further develop it with such great resistance."

Personally, I'm not feeling burdened right now. In fact, I just came from an amazing rehearsal with Emmanuel, Joshua, Bethany, and Tammy. I'll be glowing a while from the warmth of the camaraderie and music. For some reason, though, that conversation with Fayez drove home with me in the moonlight, so I wanted to share it with you.

If you're going through something that threatens to break you, let me offer you the perspective of my friend, with whom I've not communicated in far too long: God must like you!

Have a great weekend, Beautiful...

Shabbat Shalom, Strender

27--My office

My office is portable. I love it. Macbook and cellphone, I'm good to go, how may I help you?

Started the day at Slow Train, Nick's shop. I really love the way our community meets and interacts at his place. Meredith shared the concept of the "third place" with me. People need a place to live, a place to work, and a "third place," a place to hang out and relax and connect and interact and share lives. Nick's shop is that place for so many people in this town. Thanks for what you're doing here, Nick.

Met Barbara today, a videographer and graphic artist from Orange County, looking sideways at this town, wondering if it's the next chapter of her life.

Now I'm still in my office, but it's moved outside to the grass next to the railroad track. Vegas gets bored when I'm working indoors and there's nothing for him to do but lie on the couch and wait until I'm ready to walk to the river or something. Well, today I'm working out here and he can pay attention to all the interesting sights and smells today's office provides.

28--Mactown

My little town, Sheridan, is 12 miles from Mcminnville. Another awesome town, slightly bigger, 26,000 population. Met Travis and Jake at Cornerstone to plan a video. Aaron was at the c0unter--I would have liked to hear the 8 songs his band has recorded so far, but it didn't work out this time.

Ran into Kathy Aplin too--she was having the Peach Pizazzz, I tried one; so good, soo good!

Never been to the Thursday Farmer's Market (for Farmers who only farm on Thursday) before. How much amazing food can you fit on a single city block?

Met photographer Torrey Engberg Smith. Great nature scenes.

Also ran into a friend who had a flower booth at the market and she sent me over to introduce myself to Barbara Boyer who runs the thing, which I did and got on the list of musical entertainers for the market. Thanks Lisa!

28--A bucketful

Ever feel like you're standing at the edge of a crater, trying to fill it with the dirt in a 5-gallon bucket? How do you do that thing that seems impossible? How do you get a town excited about community when it appears we are afraid to trust each other?

What becomes apparent to me is that only a miracle can fill this crater. Clayton just reminded us of a story where God sends ravens with food to a homeless prophet camped by a brook in a drought-scorched land. Is that like the family who gave me this box of 100 nutrition bars last week? 260 Calories each, and you know I'm on the hunt for calories to fuel the energetic demands of this lifestyle. Certified organic, amazingly healthy list of ingredients, taste great (thank you Lord for the reminder--I'd forgotten how much I love chocolate), made by Greens +

You know, I think it's important to approach the crater and tip over your bucket. It's an act of faith. We all know that 5 gallons of dirt won't fill the volcano. And the volcano's just the dormant scar left by former explosive trauma. What if the thing goes active again? What if I aggravate a new eruption? Do you even want to go near it, let alone attempt to fill it?

That's where the magic comes in. I tip my bucket and He fills the hole. My bucket would appear insignificant by comparison to His miracle, but it appears the miracle was activated or unleashed by whatever was in that bucket. I thought it was dirt, it could have been faith.

Remember when the disciples had 5000 people to feed and all they had was a kid's lunch? So Jesus said, you're right, it's a drop in a bucket, a bucket in a crater, you should quit now, that's completely impractical, and for that matter, impossible.

That's not what He said. He said, "feed them."

Then, seeing the doubt on their faces, He said, "well at least tell them to sit down."

Tip the bucket, yo. See what happens.

29--FFA

I love my small country town. I love that on the drive home just now, I interrupted someone who emerged from his front yard into the road and launched his crossing without looking either way. Then when he did realize my car was coming, he lurched to a stop and glared at me as I drove past, no doubt berating my insolence at driving a car on a road he's obviously about to walk on.

I love that at night there are 14 gazillion stars overhead. I distinctly remember that the big city I lived in not so long ago couldn't afford more that a dozen stars at a time, and sometimes the ones I counted at first glance turned out to be planes circling the international airport. I love that my little town has an airport where the strip is overgrown with grass and flowers and I take my dog there to run.

Sure, life is slower here, but if you're looking for what I'm looking for, that's a good thing.

I'm puzzled, though, because I keep hearing from people who live in this town how it's not the place to be. I hear from so many that the only thing to look for in this town is an exit. Take one and keep going. With little or no encouragement, I've had residents launch tirades, full-fledged diatribes on what is wrong with this town. I got tired of hearing what's wrong with this town so I started asking a different question: "What right with this town?"

Sheridan, founded in 1880, home to 5, 580 residents.

I met Roy Whitman today. He's actually from the next town over, Willamina. He's the Agricultural Science & Technology Instructor at the local high school. We had a beer together and he had just started telling me about his Christmas project when I realized that's why I know his name... just last Saturday Meredith told me about this teacher who has his class pack food and care packages for families in need at Christmas.

Preparations continue for Jonah's fundraiser on the 27th. The band is rehearsing again on Friday night. I think Tammy will be back from California by then, so this will be her first rehearsal with us. So far it's been the rhythm section and two vocals. The other two vocals are Tammy and Liana. That reminds me, Liana's in San Francisco to audition for American Idol tomorrow. Good luck, little sister!

You know, there are things that I have to be grateful for and say thank you to God about. Like someone just out of the blue gave me a $50 gift card last week. I'm short on money because of reduced hours at work, and this guy would have no way of knowing my situation, but he just said to me, "I've had this in my pocket a while and I think I'm supposed to give it to you."

Little things like that just brighten my day and also make me feel like I am hearing and following my path as designed.

Lots of appointments tomorrow. I'm signing off now.

Truth, I still haven't gotten that bassline for you. I'll listen to your tune while I work on other stuff tomorrow so hopefully, I'll hear something and be able to record it for you on Friday.

30--sleep or drive, but not both

Figured I'd know it was time to let go of the job when there was enough to do on the music side that I simply could no longer keep up with the job. It must be close. Exhausted on the job today. After last night's 3-hour rehearsal, I'm really glad it was a busy day. The adrenaline kept me moving. Had I nothing to do at work today, I would have had a very hard time. Close to dozing 3 times on my drive home. Don't need to be a hazard to folks on the road. Need rest.

Rest is 4 hours away right now. Tonight's rehearsal begins at 7 and usually goes to 10.

Is it possible I'm allergic to my dog? I get itchy after I've played with him.

30--True Story

The frame of the new site is up, and now we have 30 days to load it with content and images. So Topher and I are working back and forth with each other getting ready, giving feedback, trading ideas. If you think of something that you'd like to see on the site, now's a good time to mention it while we're building.

I'm really impressed with what Topher's building here. The other day I was explaining 3000 Bosses to Meredith and she said, "that's a really great idea Len, and it will work, do you have a good web person?" And I said, "no I don't have a good web person, I have the best!"

True story, Topher.

thanks for all your hard work.

32--Buckets

After my unplanned sermon today, John renewed a standing invitation to tea and Clayton invited me to blueberry picking.

"Right now?"

"Yeah, right now!"

Ok, if you've never picked blueberries, there are some things you'll need to know. Muscles. You're gonna need them. This activity is not for the faint-hearted or weak-armed. You will need the musculature of a greek god to execute the delicate roll between thumb and finger that loosens the berry.

A good pair of shades is almost as important as the security of good company. Topics of conversation ranged from water systems and video production to marriage and life-design. Jeroboam made it into the conversation, yes he did. Random is good.

This next part is what I think trips most people up. Once you have loosened the berry from it's perch, it goes in your mouth. Sadly, most pickers are mis-informed and will instead collect the berries in bags or buckets.

I don't know that you can taste a difference between Liberty berries and Aurora, but both types are out here. We gathered Aurora's.

As it worked out, we did occasionally put some of the berries into containers. Nobody's perfect.

Here are the spoils of the day. I arrived at home with berries for my freezer and finally sat down long enough to hear this message from Clayton, left on my voicemail last night:

"Hey buddy, I'm around this weekend Sunday and Monday, so call me up, let's do something...random is good"

Yeah, bro, it is.

32--early preparations

Early in the morning, Jesus would get up and go talk to his Dad. I think the closeness of that connection was his main source of strength, and who doesn't need strength to navigate this world, even if it's not your assigned task to save everyone on it. Isn't it hard enough serving your family? I figure sooner or later strength makes the list of things that would help you make it through the day.

I woke up at 3:27. No alarm. My mind woke me. Or my spirit. I don't know. I can safely rule out my body, cause he wanted to stay in bed. Pretty sure about that.

I'm speaking at church today and I don't have something prepared. I usually do by this stage, but I have been thinking about something Christians call Rhema. It's a greek word and my understanding of it is that it describes a current conversation with God. It's not what He said years ago to dead people, which is absolutely still valid and true. But something in me would like to hear from Him today about today and about us.

I'm going to show up and speak to the part of the church where I am in closest relationship, about "God knows what..." I think a lot and I have many thoughts to share, but I want to know that I am being told something to say or I'm going to say nothing. I'm hoping not to be presumptious in this, it's just that it seems to me there is much to be said that is clever and true, but not necessarily a word from our sponsor. I'm holding out for exactly that.

I'm told that when Quakers gather to worship, they sit in silence until someone has something from God for the gathering. That person speaks and then they return to silence until someone else has something. If no one hears anything, no one speaks.

Musically, I've been preparing non-stop. I'm practicing and practicing and studying and learning and practicing.

I recall that I came here and set aside this year, the year of transition to full-time ministry, as a year to investigate the phenomenon and practice of worship. I have no intention of speaking to my family unprepared. It's just that I think preparation today means something else. I'm just going to pray now and listen. I will speak what I am told. It's risky and contrary to my mind. I like to have a plan, but we seem to have left charted waters some time ago.

Also, I've been praying for Jonah's healing. I see this going two ways. Either people mobilize and pool resource to find a treatment, which could arguably be the result of community organizing, an act of faith in itself, or God miraculously heals the boy with a decision, a power beyond our technology, something we might perceive as magic. If anyone has the power to accomplish the unexplained, I believe God can.

34--Mine

Friday the 13th! Can't say I had any but a super great day. Melissa let me come in and work 4 hours this morning to make up for the short days this week, so 6am to 10--bam! Then I came home and charted music for the Fundraiser. My eyes were swimming by early afternoon. Don't remember falling asleep at the job, but woke up to music not charting itself.

Had a work-session/meeting with Topher, my web-guy. Love the site he's building me, going live a month from tomorrow. The it was back to charting music, off at 7 and just now home from a 3-hour rehearsal with Kevin and the Humlies. Cool band name, would be. But those are their names, really. Kevin Nichols, my bass player and a family band of Joshua, Bethany and Emmanuel Humlie. I'm exhausted, but what a great way to get even more tired. These guys are brilliant musicians. It's gonna be good on the 27th!

I noticed that I refer to Kevin Nichols as "my" bass player. I was thinking how the word "my" can be deployed with possessive connotation, but it can also mean the one to whom I belong. Take for example, "my" Master, or "my" King.

I guess I'm saying Kevin is the bass player to whom I belong. Bethany's pretty fierce too, on the bass. She was vocals tonight, except for one song. We're encouraging her to break out her cello for one of the tunes.

I'm preaching Sunday so I'm listening and gathering thoughts for that. Truth just recorded a new song and I'm hoping I'll hear a bass line for that. The trick to hearing is that you gotta listen. So there's that, and then I also want to spend some time with Meredith this weekend. Plus Topher and I have one more web-dev session planned for Sunday.

All this considered, I'm gonna need some sleep. Time to finish this yogurt and put the lights out.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

35--The sun is on fire!

So bright outside. Cold, too. Maybe I wouldn't say cold. Just brisk. Like one long-sleeve layer brisk, and I-can't-play-my-guitar-cause-my-hands-are-cold-from-being-outside-20-minutes brisk.

But it is glorious. This is why I live here. Because I can walk to the river in two minutes.

Jonathan should be here soon.

36--Salutations

I have prayed one word so far: "Father..."

Slow at work, not much going on at all. Can't get on the phone or do other work-inappropriate things, but I can pray for the several needs I'm aware of.

I got one word in and thought, "am I really qualified to call you Father? Do I know you well enough or represent you as if I was your son? Do I even do that for my Earth-Father?"

He's a good man, my dad. I'm getting to know him, partly through conversation, largely through experience. The more I live the more I realize the strength his road requires. The more I understand the fights he's won, the ones he's lost, the ones he chose to walk away from, the greater my respect for the man to whom I was entrusted.

I think about the assertion that we relate to God through the filtered experience of our relationship with Earth Fathers. What does that mean for you? I know that my Dad is rooting for me.

I've known and heard the pain of those to whom Father means "Enemy" or "Violent Destroyer."

Having prayed one word so far, my spirit stopped to be thankful that I can call God Father and know that He is for me.

Two of you asked me why I'm not praying for Jonah's healing. We're raising money and awareness to research treatment. Isn't my Father the one who heals? What do I have the faith to ask?

I have prayed one word so far: "Father..."

Dare I pray further?

38--Bitter

Tanja said "I hope you don't become bitter someday and close your heart."

I think about it some days. But there's too much to appreciate and enjoy. Bitter does not mix well with gratitude. Stay grateful, friend. Know that beauty is it's own reward. And life will find you. He would never let you go.

Whether they play your song or not, dance because you can.

37--A poem by Dawn

Catchphrase of Success by Rae Dawn Pruit

A new feeling consumes me,
terrifies me really.
Success.

My whole life I thought failure is what people feared,
but no, not this day.

Failure is an expectation, not a fear.
When we fail,
we "knew it would happen."

What's the catchphrase of success?
Different for all, save a few?
A completely random quote for the papers?

Today, success terrifies me.
I have done it. I have made my dreams come true.
Now what?
Keep dreaming.
This day and all days.

38--Indigenous

Speaking of movies, do you ever think it funny how chicks in movies wake up with perfect face? They could have been sleeping face down in a tar-streaked mud-bog, but they wake up looking like a publicity shot, right?

No problem. I go to movies to suspend reality. It's perfectly ok with me. I am aware these indigenous peoples of the Revlon tribe are a purely mythical fabrication.

Except...

I have a friend named Gizelle who just might be one of them. She's not aware that I'm on to her, but I have observed that her hair seems to self-correct and her face is incapable of an un-photogenic expression.

I'll continue my observations quietly. If there's one, there are probably more and I may yet owe apologies for disbelieving that Charlize Theron could wake up so perfectly in Italian Job.

38--Inside Jokes

I love inside jokes. At least, I do when I'm on the "in" side of the joke.

Today after church I put my new bookshelf and monster cabbage (thank you, Rineharts!) in my car and met Jessi at the kitchen for lunch. Home-made sourdough, home-made strawberry jam, amazing Cocoa Mint tea from Teavana with rock sugar crystals the size you could slingshot at targets across the street.

Caleb and Jeff and Gab were there too and we talked about one of the ideas that Jessi brought up regarding the community of Sheridan, the idea of "Time Banks."

Gab's feedback was that she'd love to serve, but something didn't feel quite right about expecting service in return. Maybe we just need a list of the service needs in our community so that we can match up the needs with those skilled and available to fill them. Who's going to organize and play the role of dispatch to this idea?

Lunch was amazing, thank you Jessi. Then Caleb and I started thinking about watching a movie. Maybe Nine, maybe Iron Man II, maybe both. Where shall we do this? Who's got a big-screen?

No luck on the big-screen, maybe we'll have to watch it on our computers. Caleb offers, "yah, I watch movies on the computer when it's just me, but when you're with the guys, you gotta have a big-screen."

Jessi wonders "why?"

Well, you can't have all the guys crowding in close together to see a tiny little computer screen. Each guy's gotta have arms length and domain. Otherwise it might lead to "man-cuddling."

And that's the thing about an inside joke. I'm pretty sure Jessi or Caleb or Jeff or myself will use the word "man-cuddle" conversationally and to each others' delight, but if you weren't there, you just have to wonder what the heck those people are talking about.

Never resolved the situation, so here I am at home, by myself, about to vacuum and tidy up so I can call it a day, and flop down on the couch for computer-screen tv and some much less stigmatized "dog-cuddling," which is allowable to do, but not to say, so let's just leave the terms outside for a bit, shall we?

Stargate season 5, here we go...

39--Gas Money

It's a simple thing, but Darlene drove and Caleb paid for gas and that's how I got to Silverton last night. I had fun playing that show and I met some wonderful people and connected with old friends. It's just another example of the fact that I can't do this without you guys.

When Liana asked me to play, I said "sure, I'd love to, but I don't have gas money to get there."

So she said "are you serious or do you just not want to play small gigs anymore?"

I don't mind small gigs. In fact, I love them. I don't call them small gigs--I call them intimate. One of my all-time favorite performances was a house-concert dinner performance for a young couple in my neighborhood.

Said to my agent this week that I wouldn't mind playing for free--I just mind paying to play. That's what happens when I have to figure out transportation to go someplace and then not get paid for the gig, so I end up actually spending money to entertain. Last night was the opposite of that. Caleb paid for gas, Darlene drove, and the audience bought cds, enough that I picked up groceries on the way home.

I knew money might get tight next year when I go full-time. I didn't think it would happen now--that's why I have a job 3 days a week. But with times being slow at work, it's a great test run and practice exercise for what's ahead. I think the difference is that next year with your support, this will be my job and I don't foresee "slow times."

At any rate, thank you Caleb, thank you Darlene. Couldn't have done last night without you. I had a really great time. Much appreciation.

40--Young Love...(is a battlefield?)

I laughed until my face hurt. Dawn drove, I rode shotgun, Josh and Ami in the backseat. By the time we drove onto Wheatland Ferry, I had decided Josh might be one of the funniest guys I've met. Non-stop irreverence. I found myself laughing and then immediately feeling bad for thinking that was funny, but it was. Does that ever happen to you?

Oregon Gardens isn't in Portland, it's in Silverton, and it's gorgeous! As the audience trickled together and coalesced in the amphitheater, red sun was going down just over the tree-tops left of stage.

Opening band Throwback Surburbia took me by surprise. I was for sure digging the suit-and-tie vibe, but even the sharp cuts didn't prepare me for the hit they put out from note one.

Pat Benatar came on stage so unpretentiously. She wore the regal confidence of an icon with nothing left to prove. Rock and Roll royalty, lover at her side, the woman owned the stage, and I do mean owned it. Pipes! Chick can sing. It's not a thing of the past, not by any means.

I didn't know until I was on my way to Dawn's house that Pat's guitarist is also her husband of 28 years. Dude is an amazing player. I remarked to Dawn that lady-queen Pat was working the crowd from the beginning, but Neil "Spyder" had eyes for only her. He did notice us later on, after a while, but I'd say first 6 songs he might not have been aware we were there-- he was so all about her.

Concert-mates and backseat comedians Josh and Ami have been married 18 years. They laugh and joke with each other so easily, one suspects that love is growing deeper all the time with these two. They're like kids in love. It's disgustingly sweet to watch and reassuring to have witnessed. It gives me hope somewhere deep inside.

My favorite moment is about halfway through the show, Pat's loving on the crowd, Spyder's loving on Pat, Ami is up front at stage edge, loving on the whole scene, and Josh, sitting next to me says, "I like Pat and all, but my favorite thing is watching Ami have that much fun!"

That moment made my day, Josh. Hands down.

Dawn, thanks for taking me to see Pat and her lover. Thanks for introducing me to Ami and her lover. I'm glad I didn't have a camera. I'd rather remember this one the old-fashioned way.

Top of the morning, Beautiful

Honored to witness, Strender

41--Irresponsible

I didn't hit send.

Typed up a text message that said stuff like...I can't go. You guys have a great time. Let me know how it was. Thanks so much for inviting me. blah. blah. blah.

I have this habit of reading my texts before I send them because the send button is such a heavy commitment, you know? Once you release a message into the air, it has flown, baby. There's no bringing it back. You said what you said, and now she's mad and you gotta sleep on the couch...again!

Sorry, flashback.

So yeah, I read this text I had composed and it raised queries. Like can I really expect her to tell me how it was? Aren't there some things you have to be there for yourself to experience? I mean, I can tell you all day long that it was mind-blowing and soul-stirring, but for some experiences there is no substitute. Sometimes a story won't do.

Thing is, I have worship team practice tonight at 7 and we are down to crunch-time getting ready for Festival. It would be irresponsible of me to not be at practice tonight. We spent all of July nit-picking little tiny details in each song and making sure we know song structure backwards and forwards.

So I composed this message because it would be irresponsible of me to reply otherwise.

But I didn't hit the send button.

After 2 minutes of deliberation, I hit the erase button and composed a different reply on Facebook. This one I sent.

"Was that a trick question? Would I like to go see Pat Benatar?"

Confucious say, when Dawn texts you offering a free ticket to see Pat Benatar in Portland tonight, refusal would be simply....Irresponsible.

42--reunion

Yes, I'm back home early, working on tunes for the 27th. I've never heard this one I'm in the middle of right now. Mother and Child Reunion, by Paul Simon. Catchy tune, lots of good feelings.

I haven't found the link of Jill and Jonah on Good Morning America, but here's another one I did find:

42--Here we go again

Work's been slow the last couple weeks. I usually work an 11.5 hour day. Lately I've been coming home after 6 hours or so. It's because of the heat. Wine needs to remain cool so it's not good for shipping when we have temperatures in the 90's or early hundreds.

The extra time on my hands has been useful in getting more preparations made for the website launch, in practicing more for upcoming performance, in planning and strategizing. There's so much to do and every minute counts for something. So that's been great. But it's not good having my paycheck significantly reduced. That part stings. I find myself deciding which bill to pay in priority.

Then I think about the fact that so many people in the world would love to have my problems, to have food and shelter covered, and their options be whether to pay phone or internet first. My needs are met, and the extra time allows me to plan my "escape." That's what Nidia called it.

Yesterday was busy, though. We were back up to a 9 hour day. The return to exertion put a lot of adrenaline in me. Didn't sleep well last night. I think my body was just wound up. Did the arithmetic on it, and these hands and shoulders lifted a total of over 20,000 pounds yesterday.

Which made me think it is possible to accomplish amazingly huge tasks, one bit at a time. I lifted 45 pounds, the weight of a case of wine, over and over. Of course I can't lift 20,000 pounds. But I can, if I just take it a box at a time.

Maybe today there will be enough work to fill my hours. If not, I'll come back here and work on songs for the 27th.

43--Yes, Boss!

I found out about Jonah's situation from my boss. One of them. I've been working for Melissa 7 months now. We've been friends much longer.

She's a powerhouse, a whirlwind of activity, this one.

She's been pouring so much energy into the Jonah's Just Begun fundraiser event. Jonah and his mom are going to be on Good Morning America Wednesday morning. Watch the story if you can. Melissa and I were talking today about how to make sure lots of people in this community are able to watch the interview. Maybe we'll post a link to it after it airs.

On and off the job, Melissa gets it done.

It's been a great honor for me, working with someone as productive and caring as Melissa. I think this shot of her and her daughter is just way too cute.

45--these are the days

46--Wine and Women

Human generosity can be astounding sometimes.

I sat in the sunshine this afternoon at Methven Family Vineyards, at table with 9 beautiful women sipping wine and talking. They did the sipping and the talking. I was, simply, captivated.

They're not here for the wine. They're here to combine talent, skillset, network, resource in support of Jonah Wood Weishaar. Melanie makes amazing cakes, Rebecca is a retail goddess, Ila and Kelly and Carol and Melissa, and April and Janet and Rita.

This place is amazing. The worked glass in the doors, the mirrored concrete floors, the exquisite wood counters. I owe you pictures.

Can we make this a new rule? To preserve life, one must immerse in beauty.

I like it. Write that down!

46--3000 Bosses

I love my bosses! Can you say that? I do. I've been blessed that way. Always had great bosses.

I was in Los Angeles, gone from Oregon for 4 years. When I returned to Oregon on December 18, 2009, my bosses were so amazingly gracious as to offer my old job on December 21!

Trust me, I know how precious it is to have such wonderful employers that I can go to work within 3 days in this economic climate where some folks have been job-hunting 18 months without success.

I made a commitment to my bosses that I would stay with the company for one year, the duration of 2010. This is the year of transition. I came back to Sheridan to build a life with the people I call home.

On September 14, we launch a project called "3000 Bosses."

Every concert, every recording, every video posted online, every conversation over tea, every chance encounter at the grocery store, is an interview, a job interview. I am applying to become your personal musician for a year.

You see, I think of each listener in my audience as my boss. I work for you. I think and study music for you. I develop skills and practice scales for you. Skills and Scales. But more importantly, I tell your Stories. I represent your issues, I retell your pain and victory, your hope and triumph. On my better days, I entertain and inform, and maybe sometimes, amuse you.

I'm hoping that you will choose to hire me as your personal artist for a year, at the cost of $1 a month. The new website will feature a password-protected "members" section. For $12 a year, here's what my 3000 bosses will get.

1. Members are entitled to 4 free digital song downloads, any songs you choose, within the duration of your one-year membership.

2. Access to the 2011 Covers project in which I have committed to post videos of me covering 4 songs per year of tunes assigned by my fans. Selected fans will be given the opportunity to assign me a song, any song they choose (limit the profanity out, please), and I have to cover it and post the video online to the "members" section of the site.

3. Members aka Bosses receive a 20% discount on LennoxMusic event admissions and merchandise.

4. My new blog, www.3000bosses.blogspot.com goes live on September 14, my 40th birthday. I'll document in writing, photography and video, the stories that emerge from the journey of the ensuing year. I look forward to the stories.

I'm already so engrossed in the story of Jonah, a 2-year old boy dying of a rare genetic disorder. I'm enthralled with the story of a mom who took on this fight for life with such passion as to mobilize large communities across America. As I interact with more and more of you, as your stories intertwine with my own, the journal of these conversations will be accessible to my 3000 bosses.

5. Concert footage from various touring locations, photography and video.

I'm open to more ideas of services I can offer you in trade for your investment in this art. Keep in mind it needs to be something I can do once and post for all 3000 of you at a time.

Stay tuned; the new site goes live in 46 days!

47--pace

the pace has quickened. So much happening in a single 24-hour span.

I'm just back from Mac, meeting with my agent Kevin May and his son, Jaime, half of the duo Jokers & Jacks. They're experiencing some wonderful and well-earned success in their music.

Off to my next meeting, and wanted to jot this down before I forget. Something Jaime said as we sat at Cornerstone,

"Nothing HAS to take a long time..."

47--Off to a good start

Jonathan and I usually have breakfast on Thursday mornings. Lately though, since he got the new job, we haven't been able to meet because of the schedule change. This morning we met 15 minutes for super quick catch-up and prayer. You know what? It was only 15 minutes, but a great start to my day.

Then tea with Jeff Ashlock at Slow Train (Nick Walton's place). Jeff pours so much love and energy into our little town. I am looking forward to more conversation with that guy. Our Annual Mud Drags? He's the coordinator. Director of the local Boy Scouts. Runs a successful business here in town. Husband. Father. Yeah, I'm all over spending more time with that guy. Great start to my day.

Now off to spend an hour with another brilliant Sheridan creative.

Air temperature in the 70's, sunshine all around.

We're off to a great start...

Good morning, Beautiful

Good morning, Strender, and thank you

48--Burn The Ships

48--Burn The Ships

I'm closing this blog in 48 days to begin a new one. That's why the numbers are counting down to zero.
I just discovered a blog because I was looking to name mine by this name already taken: Burn The Ships. Someone's already got that name, and he's using that blog to say exactly what I wanted to say. "Don't turn back, you can only go forward."
When Hernan Cortes arrived in the new world, he burned his ships so his soldiers would be motivated to complete their mission, with the option of mutiny and retreat so conspicously removed.
There is no plan B.
I'll have to choose a different name for the new blog.

48--Saboteur

I've been watching So You Think You Can Dance. There's a guy on there, Jose, who's not that great a dancer, but has such a magnificent heart and such a beautiful soul that people want to watch him dance, technique be damned. I often think that's why people watch me play. They see the passion I feel and overlook the fact I'm not a great singer or musician. I do feel like I'm a good songwriter, though.

Woke up scared. Now I have to learn 7 songs that are not mine and I have 30 days to do it. Carrying a lot of tension in my shoulders.

On the one hand, I know the Lord will see me through like every time before. But on the other hand, this time it's for real. We're trying to save a kid's life. I feel some pressure with that. Feeling self-destructive. Want to stay up late and overwork so I can legitimately break down and excuse myself from having to win.

Self-sabotage. Should I admit what I'm feeling right now? Never seen my fear of success so clearly as right now in the light of this concert. I can find a few good ways to snivel out of this, but I don't think so.

I'm gonna get up and go to work and when I get back, I'll work on the music some more and 30 days from now, we're going to put on a great concert. Tammy is singing with me. I don't know yet if Charity will or not. She wants me to sing on the day after this concert at another fundraiser for Rwanda. Sounds like fair trade dictates she should sing this one with me, right?

I had a beer last night. Didn't even like it. Honestly, I think it's cause I was scared.

I've wrestled this dilemma for years: Do I express how I feel or simply restate what I know and what I'm choosing? In my own self-talk, I'm positive because I find if I hear myself say "Len, you're going to win," then I do what is necessary to build that reality.

But I'm questioning my approach for two reasons. I've noticed sometimes people don't think I'm being real. How can I be positive about everything? Do I just have that much faith? Not in me, I don't. But I do trust my Father.

The other reason I'm questioning is because now the situation's getting real, life or death real. I'm about to leave my job and go fulltime into something where my livelihood will depend on whether or not people like and enjoy and respect what I do as an artist, as a coach, as a writer, as a man.

Time to get up and go to work.

I'm doing this. I'm scared, but I am doing this. I was made for doing this.

Get up, Beautiful

Get up, Strender

49--NY Daily Times Article

The NY Daily Times just ran a story on Jonah's situation, and Good Morning America is gonna have his mom on the show. People are starting to move to help him. Check it out and pass it on, please.

NY Daily Times article

I think I've stressed about music enough for tonight. Back to it tomorrow.

Goodnight, Beautiful

Goodnight, Strender

50--Selfish

Wonderful conversation with Nidia and Katie.

They both said wise things that express profound truth, and one in particular stirs me to write this entry.

Nidia said, "My children have taught me so much about love, and I think it's because you learn to love by serving. You learn to love whomever you serve..."

I don't want kids. I used to. In my early 20's I definitely didn't want children, then by my early 30's I definitely did. And I think about what changed and what changed back.

It's a massive commitment to welcome someone into your life, to whom you are bound for an indefinite duration, to whom you promise service at any and all times needed, whether or not convenient to your goals and schedule.

Lots of children call me Uncle. No one calls me Father. Because I'll be there when I can be. I'm there when I'm there. When I'm not, I'm off somewhere else being...there. I make music and I travel and I visit this family and that family and I give and receive love in so many places from so many people, but Fatherhood is about greater stability and permanence than this. Father stays.

On Father's day this year I felt left out. That's been happening more in recent years, but not quite as acutely as this year. I felt like there was something I was missing out on. I thought about the fact I don't want kids and it comes down to this: Kids would get in the way of the goals I want to accomplish. They would make it significantly more challenging to reach the levels I intend. Would it be impossible to build what I envision with kids along for the ride? Not impossible, just way harder.

And the realization that came to me on Father's day was this. I never wanted kids, then when I met a woman to whom I gave unlimited heart access, I wanted kids; I lost her and now I don't want kids anymore. Doing the arithmetic on that, it appears to me it was not just that I wanted kids--it was that I wanted her kids. And if I can't have her kids, then I'm not willing to change my life as much as it would take to have kids.

There are so many children in the world who need to be loved. May I serve in different ways? There's a kid named Jonah who lives in New York. I'm going to be thinking about him a lot in the next 30 days.

"Jonah is two years old. He loves Elmo, throwing his ball in the park, patting dogs and stacking blocks. And he is slowly dying..."

I'm getting ready to perform on August 27th at a fundraiser auction wine-tasting, organized to raise money and awareness about a rare genetic disorder called Sanfilippo Syndrome.

It occurs to me that music is a lifted voice. It's meant to be heard. And it should have something to say. May I devote some of my time and talent and energy to requesting that we support this family if we can and see how we can help them search for Jonah's healing?

Please stop by www.Jonahsjustbegun.org and see what you can do to help.

I just played a bus driver named Jonah in Dawn's movie. Why is this name coming to me again right now? Probably coincidence, God's way of remaining anonymous.

Goodnight, Beautiful

Goodnight, Strender

50--in the meantime...

Just off the phone with Janet Wood. I'm getting information about music for a fundraiser wine-tasting, auction event we're planning a month from now. I'll tell you more about that as we go. The coming Friday at 3:30 pm we'll visit the winery that's hosting the event, Methven Vineyards.

Sitting at Open Door right now, waiting to meet with Nidia, community resident. No idea what this conversation will be and where it will go, but that's the beauty and surprise of conversation. I've got great teas with me, so I consider myself prepared.

Boy scouts buzzing past, joking. I'm struck at the politeness in one of the exchanges I overhear. They're being jovial, but respectful. It's refreshing.

51--Kwassa Kwassa

Ok, I got the video posted for Brian and Brianne and now I can go to sleep.

Here's a cover of Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa, originally done by Vampire Weekend. This video is the second instalment in my 2010 Covers project.

I'll be doing more covers in 2011, part of my "3000 Bosses" project. I'll tell you more about that soon.

Meantime, here's a tune I promised Brian a few months ago. Sorry it took me so long, bro. Thanks for the opportunity. I had fun doing it.

Two more covers in 2010. Next one is a hymn for Cecilia, and it happens also to be my mom's favorite. Perfect!

Then after that it's Zoe and Dulce's choice.

Goodnight, Beautiful

Goodnight, Strender

51--Cave Time

Matt's gonna stop by on his way to the coast. I planned to tag along with him, because we haven't connected face to face in 3 months. I would love it if we could spend time together once a month or more, so I jumped on the invitation to the coast.

When I got here, though, and fell into my couch, a wave of exhaustion hit me so hard, my eyes blurred for a moment. I sat and stared and felt sad. I don't think I'm actually sad, it's just that this feeling of exhaustion is similar to the way I feel when that emotion hangs about my house.

Preached this morning, and played bass on the worship team. I usually don't do both on the same day, because each leaves me feeling empty. Not empty like it was a futile practice, but empty like I've poured out all that was in me and now there's nothing left, or just barely enough to limp home and close the door behind me.

There are two possibilities as I see it. Either the road and touring is going to wear me down to nothing, or I'm gonna have to be stronger. I vote in favor of the latter. I'm also going to have to be proactive and plan ahead for recuperation times following the pour-out, the flow-through.

Just sent Matt a text saying, I'm over-run with exhaustion. Would it be ok if we visit a while as you're on the way to the coast, then you go on without me? That way I get to spend time with my brother, but I also get to retreat to my cave.

Now I'm having an argument with my legs about standing up so I can get the pooch some water. Next time I'm up I think it's time this dog learned how to use a faucet.

When I'm tired like this, all kinds of questions come through my mind. How many people did I offend by what I said this morning? What did I say this morning? Sometimes I get to the end of speaking, and realize that some of the things I said were inserted on the "teleprompter" while I was in midspeech. Sometimes I don't realize until I hear the recording what exactly came through my mouth.

Christine, thank you so much for the picture of wings. That meant a lot to me. And also while we were in the prayer room, right after Clayton finished praying, I looked up looked directly at Christine's painting, "Refiner's Fire."

Dar, thanks for the photos. They're awesome.

There have been some good surprises already today. No more, please. Don't have the strength. Can I just curl up in my comfort zone for a minute, please? I know I'll have to come out again, but please not right now.

53--Promises

I have failed miserably at keeping many of the promises I've made. Earlier in life I didn't really understand the weight of a promise and then by the time I began to understand it, I felt such shame about the litter of broken promises that I have strewn about, that it seemed irretrievable, so why bother trying?

I mean, I'm not a promise-keeper, so why bother? I might as well accept it and just let go. People have come to expect this from me, so I can just let it be said as it has been, "Lennox is flaky, we know, but we love him."

Or I can make changes, small and grueling and seemingly insignificant, but for each promise kept or repaired, a reassurance that sometimes I can be trusted.

Today I'm keeping a promise late. I promised Brian Lauritzen this cover months ago, and I'm 4 tracks deep into it, but this weekend I'm going to finish it, and get it online.

I promised I'd have a recording of In The City online by July 31st. Not going to happen. My producer, Isaac, is out of the country and the next available date to move forward on that is August 7th. I played electric guitar on this track. First time recording an electric. Isaac's sisters, Libby and Katie, are going to sing backup on this and they are truly amazing singers. I can't wait to hear what they do.

I had my water turned off this week because I didn't keep a promise. It's back now, but it cost something extra, a reconnection fee. Even when you repair a promise, or deliver it late, there's a surcharge. Broken trust can be mended, but it'll walk with a limp.

I find the more I learn about promises, the fewer I make. It could easily take the rest of my life just to keep the ones I've made and broken.

All of this is running on a separate track in my mind as I launched this week into Spurgeon's sermon on the prayer of Jabez. I would like my territory increased so I can stop causing pain. I don't want to break any more promises.

Brian & Brianne, here comes your cover. I hope you enjoy it. I've had fun making it for you.

55--the hum approacheth...

Friday was a blast, acting in Pullstop. I kept reviewing and analyzing the performance. If I could do that again, I would speak more slowly. I'd want to spend more time talking to Lacie off-camera before shooting began. I'd want to have rehearsed the lines into my video camera so I could review delivery and see what works for me and what could/should be adjusted.

Staggered to the next stop of the day, a concert at Coffee Cottage in Newberg. It was fun and I felt I was able to deliver the music, but lacked the energy to relate to my audience as I have come to love doing. There was little or none of the playful banter, a.k.a. inane rambling, that either endears me to my audience or confirms among them the widespread suspicion that I am crazy beyond repair.

Saturday we helped a friend with a project that got physical and I didn't rest as I tend often to do on Sabbath. So by the time I arrive at the Pullstop wrap party on Saturday night, I'm too exhausted to even remember being tired. Dawn, you amazing coach, you!!

Earlier in the day, she texted me, "bring your guitar to the wrap party."

Hmmm, why would I need a guitar at a wrap party? Well, it's because her friend Joel owns the place. Fabulous Portland joint called The Great Hall. Open mic on Saturday nights hosted by Eric and Deanna of TwoRivers Music.

I played a song, then another, then a third. The audience was just amazing. You guys rocked, thank you.

But my favorite moment of all is when the guest starring band of the evening handed out kazoos to the audience so we could play along with what they were doing. I turned just about blue in the face blowing into that thing. How unlucky do you have to be to reach into a basket full of kazoos and pick the single defective?

Meanwhile, Darlene's dying of laughter watching me blow into a kazoo.

I realize you already know this, but I didn't: You don't blow into a kazoo; you hum.

I love this thing. Y'all just don't know. I'm gonna have to rock this at a concert soon!

I'm not selling my guitar just yet. I'm just saying, brace yourself for the Kazoo, because it is coming, my friend. It is coming.

55--WHEN you move back

Yester-morning I'd been at work about an hour when Teresa said to me, "...so, next year when you're back in LA, will you get me Johnny Depp's autograph?"

"Sure thing, I'll just call up my buddy John and say hey, I'm back in town and can you sign an 8x10 for my friend?"

"Excuse me, WHEN I move back to LA? Do you know something I don't know?"

"O, yes, I've figured you out Lennox, and you're not staying here. You're going back to LA."

By this time I'm thoroughly enjoying the exchange.

"I was thinking, you're way better than I am at knowing what I'll do next. Can I just call you when I'm confused about things and you can tell me what I'm about to do?"

So we're making arrangements for that to happen. She's setting up a hotline for those situational emergencies and crises of conscience when I am completely lost.

Sometimes peace of mind is as easily accessed as a conversation with a co-worker.