51--Cave Time

Matt's gonna stop by on his way to the coast. I planned to tag along with him, because we haven't connected face to face in 3 months. I would love it if we could spend time together once a month or more, so I jumped on the invitation to the coast.

When I got here, though, and fell into my couch, a wave of exhaustion hit me so hard, my eyes blurred for a moment. I sat and stared and felt sad. I don't think I'm actually sad, it's just that this feeling of exhaustion is similar to the way I feel when that emotion hangs about my house.

Preached this morning, and played bass on the worship team. I usually don't do both on the same day, because each leaves me feeling empty. Not empty like it was a futile practice, but empty like I've poured out all that was in me and now there's nothing left, or just barely enough to limp home and close the door behind me.

There are two possibilities as I see it. Either the road and touring is going to wear me down to nothing, or I'm gonna have to be stronger. I vote in favor of the latter. I'm also going to have to be proactive and plan ahead for recuperation times following the pour-out, the flow-through.

Just sent Matt a text saying, I'm over-run with exhaustion. Would it be ok if we visit a while as you're on the way to the coast, then you go on without me? That way I get to spend time with my brother, but I also get to retreat to my cave.

Now I'm having an argument with my legs about standing up so I can get the pooch some water. Next time I'm up I think it's time this dog learned how to use a faucet.

When I'm tired like this, all kinds of questions come through my mind. How many people did I offend by what I said this morning? What did I say this morning? Sometimes I get to the end of speaking, and realize that some of the things I said were inserted on the "teleprompter" while I was in midspeech. Sometimes I don't realize until I hear the recording what exactly came through my mouth.

Christine, thank you so much for the picture of wings. That meant a lot to me. And also while we were in the prayer room, right after Clayton finished praying, I looked up looked directly at Christine's painting, "Refiner's Fire."

Dar, thanks for the photos. They're awesome.

There have been some good surprises already today. No more, please. Don't have the strength. Can I just curl up in my comfort zone for a minute, please? I know I'll have to come out again, but please not right now.