Every time I perform I come home so tired. I think it's something about opening your soul in public, allowing power, whatever you believe that power to be, to flow unabated through your spirit, mind, body. It's exhausting to remain vulnerable, isn't it? Be it on stage or off, the dynamics of connection remain the same. Defenses are removed and you are seen as you are.
Four such engagements in 2 days. This morning found me curled on my couch next to my dog, praying for strength to get off my couch. Simple thing, I should be able to do this on my own. But I have now to pray for strength for the simplest of tasks. It appears rather than growing stronger, I'm getting weaker by the minute. Rather than rising to power, I seem to be fading into obscurity. This is as it should be.
I'm ready for today. I would have dearly loved to have someone to come home to last night, but that is not my situation. I realize I'm watching Stargate because the characters have become family to me. FAMILIAR is derived from family and that's what they provide--a small but familiar comfort in the illusion of someone(s) to come home to. They are episodic and can comfort me no more than 45 minutes at a time, if that.
I also came home to an email from my real family, my biologicals. It referred me to this song, which is now playing as I prepare for today's adventures.
Thank you Beautiful
Off the couch, Strender
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