32--early preparations

Early in the morning, Jesus would get up and go talk to his Dad. I think the closeness of that connection was his main source of strength, and who doesn't need strength to navigate this world, even if it's not your assigned task to save everyone on it. Isn't it hard enough serving your family? I figure sooner or later strength makes the list of things that would help you make it through the day.

I woke up at 3:27. No alarm. My mind woke me. Or my spirit. I don't know. I can safely rule out my body, cause he wanted to stay in bed. Pretty sure about that.

I'm speaking at church today and I don't have something prepared. I usually do by this stage, but I have been thinking about something Christians call Rhema. It's a greek word and my understanding of it is that it describes a current conversation with God. It's not what He said years ago to dead people, which is absolutely still valid and true. But something in me would like to hear from Him today about today and about us.

I'm going to show up and speak to the part of the church where I am in closest relationship, about "God knows what..." I think a lot and I have many thoughts to share, but I want to know that I am being told something to say or I'm going to say nothing. I'm hoping not to be presumptious in this, it's just that it seems to me there is much to be said that is clever and true, but not necessarily a word from our sponsor. I'm holding out for exactly that.

I'm told that when Quakers gather to worship, they sit in silence until someone has something from God for the gathering. That person speaks and then they return to silence until someone else has something. If no one hears anything, no one speaks.

Musically, I've been preparing non-stop. I'm practicing and practicing and studying and learning and practicing.

I recall that I came here and set aside this year, the year of transition to full-time ministry, as a year to investigate the phenomenon and practice of worship. I have no intention of speaking to my family unprepared. It's just that I think preparation today means something else. I'm just going to pray now and listen. I will speak what I am told. It's risky and contrary to my mind. I like to have a plan, but we seem to have left charted waters some time ago.

Also, I've been praying for Jonah's healing. I see this going two ways. Either people mobilize and pool resource to find a treatment, which could arguably be the result of community organizing, an act of faith in itself, or God miraculously heals the boy with a decision, a power beyond our technology, something we might perceive as magic. If anyone has the power to accomplish the unexplained, I believe God can.