13--Up on the hill

Dinner with the Osterlunds--so much laughter. Last time I spoke at church, I went off on a metaphor of Power and how it can only be accessed by maintaining connection. At the end of the service, John Osterlund came up to me and said,

"You know, there's no power without resistance."

We picked up from there tonight. The electrical conduit that brings the power to the bulb is designed with low resistance, because its job is to get the power to where it's needed. But the place where work must be accomplished is waylaid with resistance, because it's the action of power against resistance that makes that light bulb glow, or those fan-blades spin.

I learn a lot from my conversations with John. Tonight he challenged my self-righteousness about playing music to drunk audiences.

"There's probably no one closer to depending on Jesus than drunks and drug addicts--they've already learned how to depend..."

Hmmm, John, I think you're right. I was wrong. Even though I know in my heart that God loves us exactly where we are, I spoke out of my insecurity. Thank you for the reminder. I'm finding that age 40 seems a good time to outgrow the illusion of self-righteousness. It's when you've lived long enough to know you're a jackass, and long enough to realize Jesus likes you still. I suppose I should use my last 13 days to feel as right as possible before I lose that claim entirely.

Feeling pretty humbled today. Cathy called me on the fact I have too many people in my life and can't keep up with all of them. The 18 unchecked voicemail messages on my phone agree. Well, 17 of them agree. Truth just calls to talk to my voicemail anyway--they have a thing. If she accidentally gets me on the phone, she'll talk to me too, but really, I know when I'm just a substitute.

Don't know what to do about the fact there are so many people in my life, but I've been thinking about it for years. And I know one thing I do want to change by living in the same place for a long while, is how well I'm known. I not only want to know many people, but live with, dwell among, and be deeply known, by a few. Somewhere in this balance of family and community and world, there is room to connect at the level each relationship can bear. Hence, dinner. With the Osterlunds.

I was sad today so I ate peanut butter cookies, which made me sadder cause they don't taste as good as I want them to. Cantaloupe is so much better.