14--in passing

God is supplying what I need. Work is not back up to full speed. I'm getting 8 hours a day times three days is 24 hours a week compared to my usual 34.5 In the meantime I have ample opportunity to watch him provide. People have been bringing me food, unsolicited. They just show up with food, or money. I just opened mail with money in it that I didn't ask for.

On the way to Darlene's to pick up Vegas this afternoon, I thought, "better duck in and pay the internet bill now or I won't have a chance until next week." So I stopped.

Heading into the Cable office, I heard my name, but it took me a second to realize the person calling me was Pastor Randy, whom I've not seen in years. He's talking to another pastor, conversations go a couple minutes before I'm being invited to come and share music. Can't seem to steer away, even if I'd want to, so good thing I don't want to.

Got 25 recordings ready to go to Topher for inclusion on the new site. Don't know how he's gonna set up the video section, but I'm working on video content next. I'd like to have a lot of video content, so we may have to keep the content on Youtube or Vimeo and link it from the site. Not sure how it's gonna work. But he's the man and I'm sure he'll connect it right.

Tonight's rehearsal is the last before our team leads worship at Festival this weekend. We've worked hard the last few months.

What does it say when it's only Tuesday, and your shoulders are begging for Sabbath?

Anthony asked me if I was to ride a motorcycle, what kind would I get? I don't know. I like that one that Liana used to ride. What kind was that?

Don't forget that on September 14, I'm shutting down this blog and starting the new blog: 3000 Bosses.

See you there!

15--Sorrel

So back home in the caribbean, we call it 'Sorrel.' Here it's called 'Jamaica,'

(prounounced ha-my-kah). It's a chilled tea brewed from the dried seedpod casings of a hibiscus relative. Made some, as promised, to take with me to spend some time with Katie and Nidia this evening.

Tim, Katie's brother, joined us. He's recently back from Japan. Very smart young man. I'm sure I'll continue to be impressed with his thoughtful way. Anthony and Hannah joined us too, and pretty soon we had a little party going at the kitchen table while Boy Scouts traipsed past us to their weekly meeting down the hall. That reminds me, I want to get over there to one or more of their meetings, but when would I find the time for that?

No time, not enough. See, this is why eternity becomes important. I don't have enough time to do all the stuff I already know about. Haven't been to the Japanese school yet. When I first met Nidia and Katie a couple or three months ago, I asked, "what do you like about Sheridan?" Their response was to tell me about the amazing exchange program school here in Sheridan, insisting it's one of the best things that's happened to our town, and encouraging me to go check it out. Haven't done that yet. Need more time. Must have more time.

Lots of rambling conversation, maybe not so random, but without question my favorite quote of the evening is this from Nidia:

"I hate pickles..they're just cucumbers soaked in...evil"

16--Vulnerable

Every time I perform I come home so tired. I think it's something about opening your soul in public, allowing power, whatever you believe that power to be, to flow unabated through your spirit, mind, body. It's exhausting to remain vulnerable, isn't it? Be it on stage or off, the dynamics of connection remain the same. Defenses are removed and you are seen as you are.

Four such engagements in 2 days. This morning found me curled on my couch next to my dog, praying for strength to get off my couch. Simple thing, I should be able to do this on my own. But I have now to pray for strength for the simplest of tasks. It appears rather than growing stronger, I'm getting weaker by the minute. Rather than rising to power, I seem to be fading into obscurity. This is as it should be.

I'm ready for today. I would have dearly loved to have someone to come home to last night, but that is not my situation. I realize I'm watching Stargate because the characters have become family to me. FAMILIAR is derived from family and that's what they provide--a small but familiar comfort in the illusion of someone(s) to come home to. They are episodic and can comfort me no more than 45 minutes at a time, if that.

I also came home to an email from my real family, my biologicals. It referred me to this song, which is now playing as I prepare for today's adventures.

Thank you Beautiful

Off the couch, Strender

17--Breathe

Woke up with a headache. That's been happening more of late. Not sleeping very well. Very shallow breathing. I'll consciously draw deep breaths, but within minutes I forget and go back to quick, shallow breathing until the next time I think about it.

Today the worship team is getting together for a retreat, in preparation for leading music at Festival of Tents next weekend in Brownsville. We'll be together from 9 to 3 today.

I'm also playing at a fundraiser for a mission trip, 5pm at Clockworks coffeeshop in Salem.

Speaking of playing, the band last night was really good. I couldn't hear so well, but I trust that it sounded fine out there, judging by peoples' response. We were playing at Methven Family Vineyards and by the first intermission, we had an invitation to play down the road at Brooks Winery.

I got to meet Jonah. He's a delightful kid. I am so impressed with his parents and the campaign they are spearheading. And I'm very proud of my friend Melissa who organized such an amazing and elegant event last night. It really was spectacular.

By the time I get home today, I'll want to exercise my rights as an introvert. It's the weirdest dichotomy, loving people as much as I do, craving time alone, being present in each phase. When I'm with people, I'm loving that moment and the shared connection. When I'm alone, I'm remembering to breathe deeply and rest and stand in the river and play with my dog. Without the rest I could not collect my thoughts or repair my body enough to have energy for the other phase. Without the people, I'd grow rested and stronger without purpose. Strength without purpose is rogue strength. It's an un-focused power which can do only damage, or at best, sporadic and accidental good.

I'm gonna lay here and breathe a while longer. Then we'll sing and eat like family.

19--Faster and faster

So yesterday I received an invitation to coach a company at an offsite retreat during a period of company growth. With commitments as they currently stand I had to rearrange a couple things to make it fit the schedule, but we can work it out. I have reached that stage where I have to say no to some things. This one seemed important to say yes to.

In my work as a Life Coach I facilitate life design for several clients. I need to revisit my own planning process because now there's so much happening that I need to make decisions about what stays and what goes.

For the next 4 months, I'm still carrying responsibility to my job, but the ministry and business are reaching launch velocity. I think I can handle all of it for 4 months, but that will mean very judicious use of time and I will have to say no to many things I would like to engage.

My alliteration for the day, 3D: Do, Delete, Delegate. This is how I'm going to approach my life design. Some things I'll have to do myself, as I'm am essential to that part of the process, but some things that have to be done, don't have to be done by me. I can delegate much. And some things simply won't get done and they'll be deleted from the plan.

I'm spending today preparing mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually for the Fundraiser event tomorrow. We've begun each rehearsal with prayer not just for a good synergy as musicians, but for healing for Jonah. I am not just a musician, I'm a man of faith and I believe that God can heal this boy without research.

I got in a conversation with someone about this type of faith being labeled "magic faith." The connotation of archaic simplicity was attached to the label.

I do have faith in medical process, and I think that the knowledge on which that process draws is bestowed by a source, an all-knowing source, with benevolent intent.

Do you see what I'm getting at here? If you're a praying person, join us in this. I'm also excited that the band is going to deliver a great performance tomorrow to entertain our guests and hopefully encourage them to give money to the medical research of a cure for Jonah. Do I need to feel this conflict about supporting both efforts? Are they mutually exclusive? Does it betray my faith in Divine Power to organize human efforts?

How do faith and work walk hand in hand?

27--Heavy

It's been about 3 years since that conversation with Fayez. We met through a mutual friend, Bjorn, at a crucial time in my journey through Hollywood.

Fayez grew up Muslim. Of the things we talked about, there is this gem that revisits me tonight:

"It is customary in my culture to say to someone experiencing hardship or difficult circumstance, God must like you!"

"I know it seems weird to say, but the idea is that God must like you to entrust you with such a large burden. He must think well of you and believe that you are worthy of honor, or He would not give you such a task to accomplish. He must think your character is highly valuable to further develop it with such great resistance."

Personally, I'm not feeling burdened right now. In fact, I just came from an amazing rehearsal with Emmanuel, Joshua, Bethany, and Tammy. I'll be glowing a while from the warmth of the camaraderie and music. For some reason, though, that conversation with Fayez drove home with me in the moonlight, so I wanted to share it with you.

If you're going through something that threatens to break you, let me offer you the perspective of my friend, with whom I've not communicated in far too long: God must like you!

Have a great weekend, Beautiful...

Shabbat Shalom, Strender

27--My office

My office is portable. I love it. Macbook and cellphone, I'm good to go, how may I help you?

Started the day at Slow Train, Nick's shop. I really love the way our community meets and interacts at his place. Meredith shared the concept of the "third place" with me. People need a place to live, a place to work, and a "third place," a place to hang out and relax and connect and interact and share lives. Nick's shop is that place for so many people in this town. Thanks for what you're doing here, Nick.

Met Barbara today, a videographer and graphic artist from Orange County, looking sideways at this town, wondering if it's the next chapter of her life.

Now I'm still in my office, but it's moved outside to the grass next to the railroad track. Vegas gets bored when I'm working indoors and there's nothing for him to do but lie on the couch and wait until I'm ready to walk to the river or something. Well, today I'm working out here and he can pay attention to all the interesting sights and smells today's office provides.

28--Mactown

My little town, Sheridan, is 12 miles from Mcminnville. Another awesome town, slightly bigger, 26,000 population. Met Travis and Jake at Cornerstone to plan a video. Aaron was at the c0unter--I would have liked to hear the 8 songs his band has recorded so far, but it didn't work out this time.

Ran into Kathy Aplin too--she was having the Peach Pizazzz, I tried one; so good, soo good!

Never been to the Thursday Farmer's Market (for Farmers who only farm on Thursday) before. How much amazing food can you fit on a single city block?

Met photographer Torrey Engberg Smith. Great nature scenes.

Also ran into a friend who had a flower booth at the market and she sent me over to introduce myself to Barbara Boyer who runs the thing, which I did and got on the list of musical entertainers for the market. Thanks Lisa!

28--A bucketful

Ever feel like you're standing at the edge of a crater, trying to fill it with the dirt in a 5-gallon bucket? How do you do that thing that seems impossible? How do you get a town excited about community when it appears we are afraid to trust each other?

What becomes apparent to me is that only a miracle can fill this crater. Clayton just reminded us of a story where God sends ravens with food to a homeless prophet camped by a brook in a drought-scorched land. Is that like the family who gave me this box of 100 nutrition bars last week? 260 Calories each, and you know I'm on the hunt for calories to fuel the energetic demands of this lifestyle. Certified organic, amazingly healthy list of ingredients, taste great (thank you Lord for the reminder--I'd forgotten how much I love chocolate), made by Greens +

You know, I think it's important to approach the crater and tip over your bucket. It's an act of faith. We all know that 5 gallons of dirt won't fill the volcano. And the volcano's just the dormant scar left by former explosive trauma. What if the thing goes active again? What if I aggravate a new eruption? Do you even want to go near it, let alone attempt to fill it?

That's where the magic comes in. I tip my bucket and He fills the hole. My bucket would appear insignificant by comparison to His miracle, but it appears the miracle was activated or unleashed by whatever was in that bucket. I thought it was dirt, it could have been faith.

Remember when the disciples had 5000 people to feed and all they had was a kid's lunch? So Jesus said, you're right, it's a drop in a bucket, a bucket in a crater, you should quit now, that's completely impractical, and for that matter, impossible.

That's not what He said. He said, "feed them."

Then, seeing the doubt on their faces, He said, "well at least tell them to sit down."

Tip the bucket, yo. See what happens.

29--FFA

I love my small country town. I love that on the drive home just now, I interrupted someone who emerged from his front yard into the road and launched his crossing without looking either way. Then when he did realize my car was coming, he lurched to a stop and glared at me as I drove past, no doubt berating my insolence at driving a car on a road he's obviously about to walk on.

I love that at night there are 14 gazillion stars overhead. I distinctly remember that the big city I lived in not so long ago couldn't afford more that a dozen stars at a time, and sometimes the ones I counted at first glance turned out to be planes circling the international airport. I love that my little town has an airport where the strip is overgrown with grass and flowers and I take my dog there to run.

Sure, life is slower here, but if you're looking for what I'm looking for, that's a good thing.

I'm puzzled, though, because I keep hearing from people who live in this town how it's not the place to be. I hear from so many that the only thing to look for in this town is an exit. Take one and keep going. With little or no encouragement, I've had residents launch tirades, full-fledged diatribes on what is wrong with this town. I got tired of hearing what's wrong with this town so I started asking a different question: "What right with this town?"

Sheridan, founded in 1880, home to 5, 580 residents.

I met Roy Whitman today. He's actually from the next town over, Willamina. He's the Agricultural Science & Technology Instructor at the local high school. We had a beer together and he had just started telling me about his Christmas project when I realized that's why I know his name... just last Saturday Meredith told me about this teacher who has his class pack food and care packages for families in need at Christmas.

Preparations continue for Jonah's fundraiser on the 27th. The band is rehearsing again on Friday night. I think Tammy will be back from California by then, so this will be her first rehearsal with us. So far it's been the rhythm section and two vocals. The other two vocals are Tammy and Liana. That reminds me, Liana's in San Francisco to audition for American Idol tomorrow. Good luck, little sister!

You know, there are things that I have to be grateful for and say thank you to God about. Like someone just out of the blue gave me a $50 gift card last week. I'm short on money because of reduced hours at work, and this guy would have no way of knowing my situation, but he just said to me, "I've had this in my pocket a while and I think I'm supposed to give it to you."

Little things like that just brighten my day and also make me feel like I am hearing and following my path as designed.

Lots of appointments tomorrow. I'm signing off now.

Truth, I still haven't gotten that bassline for you. I'll listen to your tune while I work on other stuff tomorrow so hopefully, I'll hear something and be able to record it for you on Friday.

30--sleep or drive, but not both

Figured I'd know it was time to let go of the job when there was enough to do on the music side that I simply could no longer keep up with the job. It must be close. Exhausted on the job today. After last night's 3-hour rehearsal, I'm really glad it was a busy day. The adrenaline kept me moving. Had I nothing to do at work today, I would have had a very hard time. Close to dozing 3 times on my drive home. Don't need to be a hazard to folks on the road. Need rest.

Rest is 4 hours away right now. Tonight's rehearsal begins at 7 and usually goes to 10.

Is it possible I'm allergic to my dog? I get itchy after I've played with him.

30--True Story

The frame of the new site is up, and now we have 30 days to load it with content and images. So Topher and I are working back and forth with each other getting ready, giving feedback, trading ideas. If you think of something that you'd like to see on the site, now's a good time to mention it while we're building.

I'm really impressed with what Topher's building here. The other day I was explaining 3000 Bosses to Meredith and she said, "that's a really great idea Len, and it will work, do you have a good web person?" And I said, "no I don't have a good web person, I have the best!"

True story, Topher.

thanks for all your hard work.

32--Buckets

After my unplanned sermon today, John renewed a standing invitation to tea and Clayton invited me to blueberry picking.

"Right now?"

"Yeah, right now!"

Ok, if you've never picked blueberries, there are some things you'll need to know. Muscles. You're gonna need them. This activity is not for the faint-hearted or weak-armed. You will need the musculature of a greek god to execute the delicate roll between thumb and finger that loosens the berry.

A good pair of shades is almost as important as the security of good company. Topics of conversation ranged from water systems and video production to marriage and life-design. Jeroboam made it into the conversation, yes he did. Random is good.

This next part is what I think trips most people up. Once you have loosened the berry from it's perch, it goes in your mouth. Sadly, most pickers are mis-informed and will instead collect the berries in bags or buckets.

I don't know that you can taste a difference between Liberty berries and Aurora, but both types are out here. We gathered Aurora's.

As it worked out, we did occasionally put some of the berries into containers. Nobody's perfect.

Here are the spoils of the day. I arrived at home with berries for my freezer and finally sat down long enough to hear this message from Clayton, left on my voicemail last night:

"Hey buddy, I'm around this weekend Sunday and Monday, so call me up, let's do something...random is good"

Yeah, bro, it is.

32--early preparations

Early in the morning, Jesus would get up and go talk to his Dad. I think the closeness of that connection was his main source of strength, and who doesn't need strength to navigate this world, even if it's not your assigned task to save everyone on it. Isn't it hard enough serving your family? I figure sooner or later strength makes the list of things that would help you make it through the day.

I woke up at 3:27. No alarm. My mind woke me. Or my spirit. I don't know. I can safely rule out my body, cause he wanted to stay in bed. Pretty sure about that.

I'm speaking at church today and I don't have something prepared. I usually do by this stage, but I have been thinking about something Christians call Rhema. It's a greek word and my understanding of it is that it describes a current conversation with God. It's not what He said years ago to dead people, which is absolutely still valid and true. But something in me would like to hear from Him today about today and about us.

I'm going to show up and speak to the part of the church where I am in closest relationship, about "God knows what..." I think a lot and I have many thoughts to share, but I want to know that I am being told something to say or I'm going to say nothing. I'm hoping not to be presumptious in this, it's just that it seems to me there is much to be said that is clever and true, but not necessarily a word from our sponsor. I'm holding out for exactly that.

I'm told that when Quakers gather to worship, they sit in silence until someone has something from God for the gathering. That person speaks and then they return to silence until someone else has something. If no one hears anything, no one speaks.

Musically, I've been preparing non-stop. I'm practicing and practicing and studying and learning and practicing.

I recall that I came here and set aside this year, the year of transition to full-time ministry, as a year to investigate the phenomenon and practice of worship. I have no intention of speaking to my family unprepared. It's just that I think preparation today means something else. I'm just going to pray now and listen. I will speak what I am told. It's risky and contrary to my mind. I like to have a plan, but we seem to have left charted waters some time ago.

Also, I've been praying for Jonah's healing. I see this going two ways. Either people mobilize and pool resource to find a treatment, which could arguably be the result of community organizing, an act of faith in itself, or God miraculously heals the boy with a decision, a power beyond our technology, something we might perceive as magic. If anyone has the power to accomplish the unexplained, I believe God can.

34--Mine

Friday the 13th! Can't say I had any but a super great day. Melissa let me come in and work 4 hours this morning to make up for the short days this week, so 6am to 10--bam! Then I came home and charted music for the Fundraiser. My eyes were swimming by early afternoon. Don't remember falling asleep at the job, but woke up to music not charting itself.

Had a work-session/meeting with Topher, my web-guy. Love the site he's building me, going live a month from tomorrow. The it was back to charting music, off at 7 and just now home from a 3-hour rehearsal with Kevin and the Humlies. Cool band name, would be. But those are their names, really. Kevin Nichols, my bass player and a family band of Joshua, Bethany and Emmanuel Humlie. I'm exhausted, but what a great way to get even more tired. These guys are brilliant musicians. It's gonna be good on the 27th!

I noticed that I refer to Kevin Nichols as "my" bass player. I was thinking how the word "my" can be deployed with possessive connotation, but it can also mean the one to whom I belong. Take for example, "my" Master, or "my" King.

I guess I'm saying Kevin is the bass player to whom I belong. Bethany's pretty fierce too, on the bass. She was vocals tonight, except for one song. We're encouraging her to break out her cello for one of the tunes.

I'm preaching Sunday so I'm listening and gathering thoughts for that. Truth just recorded a new song and I'm hoping I'll hear a bass line for that. The trick to hearing is that you gotta listen. So there's that, and then I also want to spend some time with Meredith this weekend. Plus Topher and I have one more web-dev session planned for Sunday.

All this considered, I'm gonna need some sleep. Time to finish this yogurt and put the lights out.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

35--The sun is on fire!

So bright outside. Cold, too. Maybe I wouldn't say cold. Just brisk. Like one long-sleeve layer brisk, and I-can't-play-my-guitar-cause-my-hands-are-cold-from-being-outside-20-minutes brisk.

But it is glorious. This is why I live here. Because I can walk to the river in two minutes.

Jonathan should be here soon.

36--Salutations

I have prayed one word so far: "Father..."

Slow at work, not much going on at all. Can't get on the phone or do other work-inappropriate things, but I can pray for the several needs I'm aware of.

I got one word in and thought, "am I really qualified to call you Father? Do I know you well enough or represent you as if I was your son? Do I even do that for my Earth-Father?"

He's a good man, my dad. I'm getting to know him, partly through conversation, largely through experience. The more I live the more I realize the strength his road requires. The more I understand the fights he's won, the ones he's lost, the ones he chose to walk away from, the greater my respect for the man to whom I was entrusted.

I think about the assertion that we relate to God through the filtered experience of our relationship with Earth Fathers. What does that mean for you? I know that my Dad is rooting for me.

I've known and heard the pain of those to whom Father means "Enemy" or "Violent Destroyer."

Having prayed one word so far, my spirit stopped to be thankful that I can call God Father and know that He is for me.

Two of you asked me why I'm not praying for Jonah's healing. We're raising money and awareness to research treatment. Isn't my Father the one who heals? What do I have the faith to ask?

I have prayed one word so far: "Father..."

Dare I pray further?

38--Bitter

Tanja said "I hope you don't become bitter someday and close your heart."

I think about it some days. But there's too much to appreciate and enjoy. Bitter does not mix well with gratitude. Stay grateful, friend. Know that beauty is it's own reward. And life will find you. He would never let you go.

Whether they play your song or not, dance because you can.

37--A poem by Dawn

Catchphrase of Success by Rae Dawn Pruit

A new feeling consumes me,
terrifies me really.
Success.

My whole life I thought failure is what people feared,
but no, not this day.

Failure is an expectation, not a fear.
When we fail,
we "knew it would happen."

What's the catchphrase of success?
Different for all, save a few?
A completely random quote for the papers?

Today, success terrifies me.
I have done it. I have made my dreams come true.
Now what?
Keep dreaming.
This day and all days.

38--Indigenous

Speaking of movies, do you ever think it funny how chicks in movies wake up with perfect face? They could have been sleeping face down in a tar-streaked mud-bog, but they wake up looking like a publicity shot, right?

No problem. I go to movies to suspend reality. It's perfectly ok with me. I am aware these indigenous peoples of the Revlon tribe are a purely mythical fabrication.

Except...

I have a friend named Gizelle who just might be one of them. She's not aware that I'm on to her, but I have observed that her hair seems to self-correct and her face is incapable of an un-photogenic expression.

I'll continue my observations quietly. If there's one, there are probably more and I may yet owe apologies for disbelieving that Charlize Theron could wake up so perfectly in Italian Job.

38--Inside Jokes

I love inside jokes. At least, I do when I'm on the "in" side of the joke.

Today after church I put my new bookshelf and monster cabbage (thank you, Rineharts!) in my car and met Jessi at the kitchen for lunch. Home-made sourdough, home-made strawberry jam, amazing Cocoa Mint tea from Teavana with rock sugar crystals the size you could slingshot at targets across the street.

Caleb and Jeff and Gab were there too and we talked about one of the ideas that Jessi brought up regarding the community of Sheridan, the idea of "Time Banks."

Gab's feedback was that she'd love to serve, but something didn't feel quite right about expecting service in return. Maybe we just need a list of the service needs in our community so that we can match up the needs with those skilled and available to fill them. Who's going to organize and play the role of dispatch to this idea?

Lunch was amazing, thank you Jessi. Then Caleb and I started thinking about watching a movie. Maybe Nine, maybe Iron Man II, maybe both. Where shall we do this? Who's got a big-screen?

No luck on the big-screen, maybe we'll have to watch it on our computers. Caleb offers, "yah, I watch movies on the computer when it's just me, but when you're with the guys, you gotta have a big-screen."

Jessi wonders "why?"

Well, you can't have all the guys crowding in close together to see a tiny little computer screen. Each guy's gotta have arms length and domain. Otherwise it might lead to "man-cuddling."

And that's the thing about an inside joke. I'm pretty sure Jessi or Caleb or Jeff or myself will use the word "man-cuddle" conversationally and to each others' delight, but if you weren't there, you just have to wonder what the heck those people are talking about.

Never resolved the situation, so here I am at home, by myself, about to vacuum and tidy up so I can call it a day, and flop down on the couch for computer-screen tv and some much less stigmatized "dog-cuddling," which is allowable to do, but not to say, so let's just leave the terms outside for a bit, shall we?

Stargate season 5, here we go...

39--Gas Money

It's a simple thing, but Darlene drove and Caleb paid for gas and that's how I got to Silverton last night. I had fun playing that show and I met some wonderful people and connected with old friends. It's just another example of the fact that I can't do this without you guys.

When Liana asked me to play, I said "sure, I'd love to, but I don't have gas money to get there."

So she said "are you serious or do you just not want to play small gigs anymore?"

I don't mind small gigs. In fact, I love them. I don't call them small gigs--I call them intimate. One of my all-time favorite performances was a house-concert dinner performance for a young couple in my neighborhood.

Said to my agent this week that I wouldn't mind playing for free--I just mind paying to play. That's what happens when I have to figure out transportation to go someplace and then not get paid for the gig, so I end up actually spending money to entertain. Last night was the opposite of that. Caleb paid for gas, Darlene drove, and the audience bought cds, enough that I picked up groceries on the way home.

I knew money might get tight next year when I go full-time. I didn't think it would happen now--that's why I have a job 3 days a week. But with times being slow at work, it's a great test run and practice exercise for what's ahead. I think the difference is that next year with your support, this will be my job and I don't foresee "slow times."

At any rate, thank you Caleb, thank you Darlene. Couldn't have done last night without you. I had a really great time. Much appreciation.

40--Young Love...(is a battlefield?)

I laughed until my face hurt. Dawn drove, I rode shotgun, Josh and Ami in the backseat. By the time we drove onto Wheatland Ferry, I had decided Josh might be one of the funniest guys I've met. Non-stop irreverence. I found myself laughing and then immediately feeling bad for thinking that was funny, but it was. Does that ever happen to you?

Oregon Gardens isn't in Portland, it's in Silverton, and it's gorgeous! As the audience trickled together and coalesced in the amphitheater, red sun was going down just over the tree-tops left of stage.

Opening band Throwback Surburbia took me by surprise. I was for sure digging the suit-and-tie vibe, but even the sharp cuts didn't prepare me for the hit they put out from note one.

Pat Benatar came on stage so unpretentiously. She wore the regal confidence of an icon with nothing left to prove. Rock and Roll royalty, lover at her side, the woman owned the stage, and I do mean owned it. Pipes! Chick can sing. It's not a thing of the past, not by any means.

I didn't know until I was on my way to Dawn's house that Pat's guitarist is also her husband of 28 years. Dude is an amazing player. I remarked to Dawn that lady-queen Pat was working the crowd from the beginning, but Neil "Spyder" had eyes for only her. He did notice us later on, after a while, but I'd say first 6 songs he might not have been aware we were there-- he was so all about her.

Concert-mates and backseat comedians Josh and Ami have been married 18 years. They laugh and joke with each other so easily, one suspects that love is growing deeper all the time with these two. They're like kids in love. It's disgustingly sweet to watch and reassuring to have witnessed. It gives me hope somewhere deep inside.

My favorite moment is about halfway through the show, Pat's loving on the crowd, Spyder's loving on Pat, Ami is up front at stage edge, loving on the whole scene, and Josh, sitting next to me says, "I like Pat and all, but my favorite thing is watching Ami have that much fun!"

That moment made my day, Josh. Hands down.

Dawn, thanks for taking me to see Pat and her lover. Thanks for introducing me to Ami and her lover. I'm glad I didn't have a camera. I'd rather remember this one the old-fashioned way.

Top of the morning, Beautiful

Honored to witness, Strender

41--Irresponsible

I didn't hit send.

Typed up a text message that said stuff like...I can't go. You guys have a great time. Let me know how it was. Thanks so much for inviting me. blah. blah. blah.

I have this habit of reading my texts before I send them because the send button is such a heavy commitment, you know? Once you release a message into the air, it has flown, baby. There's no bringing it back. You said what you said, and now she's mad and you gotta sleep on the couch...again!

Sorry, flashback.

So yeah, I read this text I had composed and it raised queries. Like can I really expect her to tell me how it was? Aren't there some things you have to be there for yourself to experience? I mean, I can tell you all day long that it was mind-blowing and soul-stirring, but for some experiences there is no substitute. Sometimes a story won't do.

Thing is, I have worship team practice tonight at 7 and we are down to crunch-time getting ready for Festival. It would be irresponsible of me to not be at practice tonight. We spent all of July nit-picking little tiny details in each song and making sure we know song structure backwards and forwards.

So I composed this message because it would be irresponsible of me to reply otherwise.

But I didn't hit the send button.

After 2 minutes of deliberation, I hit the erase button and composed a different reply on Facebook. This one I sent.

"Was that a trick question? Would I like to go see Pat Benatar?"

Confucious say, when Dawn texts you offering a free ticket to see Pat Benatar in Portland tonight, refusal would be simply....Irresponsible.

42--reunion

Yes, I'm back home early, working on tunes for the 27th. I've never heard this one I'm in the middle of right now. Mother and Child Reunion, by Paul Simon. Catchy tune, lots of good feelings.

I haven't found the link of Jill and Jonah on Good Morning America, but here's another one I did find:

42--Here we go again

Work's been slow the last couple weeks. I usually work an 11.5 hour day. Lately I've been coming home after 6 hours or so. It's because of the heat. Wine needs to remain cool so it's not good for shipping when we have temperatures in the 90's or early hundreds.

The extra time on my hands has been useful in getting more preparations made for the website launch, in practicing more for upcoming performance, in planning and strategizing. There's so much to do and every minute counts for something. So that's been great. But it's not good having my paycheck significantly reduced. That part stings. I find myself deciding which bill to pay in priority.

Then I think about the fact that so many people in the world would love to have my problems, to have food and shelter covered, and their options be whether to pay phone or internet first. My needs are met, and the extra time allows me to plan my "escape." That's what Nidia called it.

Yesterday was busy, though. We were back up to a 9 hour day. The return to exertion put a lot of adrenaline in me. Didn't sleep well last night. I think my body was just wound up. Did the arithmetic on it, and these hands and shoulders lifted a total of over 20,000 pounds yesterday.

Which made me think it is possible to accomplish amazingly huge tasks, one bit at a time. I lifted 45 pounds, the weight of a case of wine, over and over. Of course I can't lift 20,000 pounds. But I can, if I just take it a box at a time.

Maybe today there will be enough work to fill my hours. If not, I'll come back here and work on songs for the 27th.

43--Yes, Boss!

I found out about Jonah's situation from my boss. One of them. I've been working for Melissa 7 months now. We've been friends much longer.

She's a powerhouse, a whirlwind of activity, this one.

She's been pouring so much energy into the Jonah's Just Begun fundraiser event. Jonah and his mom are going to be on Good Morning America Wednesday morning. Watch the story if you can. Melissa and I were talking today about how to make sure lots of people in this community are able to watch the interview. Maybe we'll post a link to it after it airs.

On and off the job, Melissa gets it done.

It's been a great honor for me, working with someone as productive and caring as Melissa. I think this shot of her and her daughter is just way too cute.