Too much on my plate. Can't keep up. Last night I fell asleep mid-conversation. Today I missed two connections. Was supposed to pray with Truth this morning. Was supposed to hang out with Dennis this afternoon.
Life is speeding up and I love it. I like speed. I prayed for speed. But I have to speed responsibly. I'm building rhythms that help me take care of myself and my friends.
I'm learning to use technology to keep me accountable to appointments. The appointments I missed today were the ones not written in my electronic calendar. If it's not in my calendar, I'm likely to go right past it, moving at this pace.
I love the fast pace as much as I love stillness when that comes. There's a time for speed and time for standing still. And there are times in between for a measured pace.
You know what I just figured out! It's not that the appointments that are written down are more important to me than the ones I don't write down. It's that when I look at my calendar and see the commitments I've made for the day, my mind and spirit begin preparing for those engagements. A plan forms and I begin to allocate internal resource toward fulfilling those commitments. My pace and urgency are subconsciously calculated to deliver me on time to said appointments.
And should my spirit determine that I have need for additional resource from above for general replenishment or for specific task endowment, I can make my request with plenty of time for delivery and intake. I don't have to feel rushed or be taken by surprise.
Ooooooo, that's why I'm supposed to write down the vision and make it plain! So my spirit and my mind will begin to summon and attract God's resource to the matter at hand. Ok, that right there was worth some lack of sleep.
Today's missed appointments underscores the need to be selective about priorities. I'm trying to be responsible and not overcommit. Getting the hang of it. And I'm so sorry for those times when I let it slip.
I was up until 1pm the night before, so waking up at 5am for prayer is harder. I did commit to it, though, and once I've given my word, what's that worth to me? I want to consistently increase the value of my word. It's not ok with me if people say, "O well, don't take it personally, that's just how Lennox is..."
One reason God's word is so valuable to me is that it is always fulfilled. It never returns void, never comes home empty. He is faithful to what He says. I'd like my word to mean something. Hopefully it's gaining value, not decreasing. Hopefully more and more of His words are coming out of my mouth.
Maybe eventually all my words will be His. I love that the Lord didn't let any of the words Samuel spoke fall to the ground. Like Samuel's words were valuable even to God. He would not allow them to be damaged or dirtied by contact or impact. What if my word was that valuable? Could that happen?
I betrayed 2 special people today by not using my knowledge or technology. Betrayed might seem a harsh word for it, and both Dennis and Truth were gracious about rescheduling, but it's still an instance of giving my word carelessly, without followthrough to completion. I remember talking with Dennis last week about meeting up yesterday, but I didn't put it in the calendar, so a week later when he calls to confirm, it took me a minute to even remember that we had made such a plan.
I could cop out on praying at 5 am, but what I'll choose instead is to get to bed earlier. My choices tonight impact the value of my word tomorrow. Or, as Dan would put it, I could renegotiate for 7am and get a couple hours more rest. I'll ask if we can try again on Monday morning.
The speeding won't last forever and I'll enjoy the next phase every bit as much. Maybe a little of that measured pace would be good right about now.
Pick A Chapter--Psalm 144 (Darlene Taylor)
Goodnight, Beautiful...
Goodnight, Strender
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