346---The 4th Guy

Whereas I now know where I'm going, I haven't yet been told where I'll sleep or how I'll recognize my daily bread. First things first--I've chosen a community and in return, I hope they choose me. 

I have to be intrigued at the gathering and depth of spirit warriors in this place I am called to dwell. I look forward to hanging out with my boys. Matt says we're in for some good times. I've never tried snowboarding, but it appears that early in 2010, I'll collect stories with matching bruises. 

It's fun giving good news, isn't it? We like being the ones to deliver the happy. We cut in front of each other to recite the punchline, to be the one that gets the laugh. On some level, we're all attracted to the concept of gospel--good news. 

Job had a great life and lots of happy photographs to show for it. Good times and feasting, the life I imagine for myself and the people I love. And then one day, mysteriously, the music changes. As if some supernatural wind had shifted, everything precious in his life gets blown away. 

Imagine being the first guy that gets to report financial disaster to this wealthy employer. Try being the guy to follow that guy with another breaking story of ruin. But wait, a third messenger, further herald of sudden financial demise. Each successive messenger hears the end of the preceding tale; each knows he is not the first to disturb Job's peace today.

As Ryan would say, "That ain't right!"

I venture that it really sucks to be the 4th guy in this lineup. If I'm Job, I can find a silver lining in the thought that possessions and materials are just stuff. Creature comforts are nice, but they pale in comparison to the love of family, the timeless value of relationship. Now, as the 4th guy,  I get to rip that silver lining to shreds. I'm here to tell this loving father that his kids just died, all ten at once. 

How do you soften that? "Well, at least they were all together when it happened?" 

That doesn't really help,  does it?

Today began with a phone call from a brother asking me to pray about his job situation. He may or not lose his job today. I went to the sanctuary to pray about it, and the first thing that came to my heart was to hope that he keeps this job. But I found myself being led another way. I found myself praising God that He is our source, not our jobs or our holdings or investments. I think circumstances are near for many of us in which we'll have to re-calibrate our concept of resource.  

How would I respond to the first guy, or the second? At what stage of financial pressure would I have caved? At what illusion of lack would I have cowered against the falling sky?

Job listens to all 4 messengers before he responds. 

I want to meet this man Job, who has the nerve to say to the 4th guy: 

"I was born naked, I'll die naked. 

God gives, God takes. 

Praise the name of the Lord!"

That's a whole new kind of crazy right there. 

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender.

355---Taking a walk

Two years ago when Ryan asked me to lead the church in worship, I was hesitant.

Just because I enjoy worship doesn't mean I want to lead people. I'm perfectly content sitting or standing in the back with my hands outstretched and my eyes closed, having a private God-moment in public. 

There's a difference between singing and leading songs. 

There's a difference between leading songs and worshiping. 

There's a difference between worshiping and leading worship. 

I asked Ryan not to call me the Worship Leader; Lead Worshiper seems more attainable. Either way, it disrupts my worship experience. I don't get to close my eyes and just be with God. I don't get to drift away and bask. I have to keep at least one eye open and think about how to invite someone else into the experience. It's not enough to sing well or even to experience the power and presence of God. The assignment is to lead people into His presence, invite them to be immersed in His power and changed by it. 

 

I didn't care enough to do that. I'm sorry. Guys, I'm really trying to love you the best I know how. I want good things for you. I want you to feel what I feel when I close my eyes and go away. At the end of the worship time, there's a moment when my spirit returns to my body. It's almost like waking up. Sometimes I even wake up wondering "what are all these people doing here?"

I woke up 12 minutes ago from an inadequate night of sleep. My sleep has been troubled for the past few years. I'm the kid who could sleep through anything. Now I fall asleep just fine, as anyone who's watched movies with me can tell you. I fall asleep, but I don't stay asleep. I bring it up because I just read an article about depression on my DivorceCare daily email. It's about disturbed sleep patterns. 

Even though I begin this blog when I wake up, it posts every evening at 11pm. The symbolism for me is that it's the final hour before a new day. Pilgrim asked me what that means. It means I think there is about to be a significant shift in my life, and also I think the world is heading for midnight. 

Back to the worship conversation. In submitting to the call of leading worship, I accepted the responsibility to invite. After all, he who leads and no one follows is simply taking a walk. If worship is supposed to change me, will it make me more of an inviter? Am I becoming a new creature? 

These last few days it's on my heart to not just experience worship in the presence of the community, but to invite the community into that experience for themselves. That's going to require a new skillset. I know how to jump into things. I don't know how to get people to jump in with me. 

OK, that's not entirely true. I know how to get people to jump in--I just lack the compassion. Will this be the story of my life, a man who adventured, but alone?

I'm leading worship at Hollywood Adventist in 3 days. I'm going to invite a community to worship with me. 'Cause if I'm gonna worship alone, then I'm not a worship leader. Let me go to the mountains and sing to the trees. 

O my Lord, please help me. 

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender.