11--Retreat

Off to Newberg to facilitate company retreat for a manufacturing company based in Mcminnville. That's all day from 8am to 5pm, and then in the car to head straight to Brownsville for church retreat, Festival of Tents.

I was telling the Osterlunds, I'm not a camper. Not so much. As in, not really at all. So I borrowed Corey's rachet set yesterday, took the back seat out of my SUV and stuck a single mattress in the back there. Perfect fit. This was my favorite accomplishment yesterday. I don't see the point of losing sleep on a retreat for lack of comfort.

13--Up on the hill

Dinner with the Osterlunds--so much laughter. Last time I spoke at church, I went off on a metaphor of Power and how it can only be accessed by maintaining connection. At the end of the service, John Osterlund came up to me and said,

"You know, there's no power without resistance."

We picked up from there tonight. The electrical conduit that brings the power to the bulb is designed with low resistance, because its job is to get the power to where it's needed. But the place where work must be accomplished is waylaid with resistance, because it's the action of power against resistance that makes that light bulb glow, or those fan-blades spin.

I learn a lot from my conversations with John. Tonight he challenged my self-righteousness about playing music to drunk audiences.

"There's probably no one closer to depending on Jesus than drunks and drug addicts--they've already learned how to depend..."

Hmmm, John, I think you're right. I was wrong. Even though I know in my heart that God loves us exactly where we are, I spoke out of my insecurity. Thank you for the reminder. I'm finding that age 40 seems a good time to outgrow the illusion of self-righteousness. It's when you've lived long enough to know you're a jackass, and long enough to realize Jesus likes you still. I suppose I should use my last 13 days to feel as right as possible before I lose that claim entirely.

Feeling pretty humbled today. Cathy called me on the fact I have too many people in my life and can't keep up with all of them. The 18 unchecked voicemail messages on my phone agree. Well, 17 of them agree. Truth just calls to talk to my voicemail anyway--they have a thing. If she accidentally gets me on the phone, she'll talk to me too, but really, I know when I'm just a substitute.

Don't know what to do about the fact there are so many people in my life, but I've been thinking about it for years. And I know one thing I do want to change by living in the same place for a long while, is how well I'm known. I not only want to know many people, but live with, dwell among, and be deeply known, by a few. Somewhere in this balance of family and community and world, there is room to connect at the level each relationship can bear. Hence, dinner. With the Osterlunds.

I was sad today so I ate peanut butter cookies, which made me sadder cause they don't taste as good as I want them to. Cantaloupe is so much better.

14--in passing

God is supplying what I need. Work is not back up to full speed. I'm getting 8 hours a day times three days is 24 hours a week compared to my usual 34.5 In the meantime I have ample opportunity to watch him provide. People have been bringing me food, unsolicited. They just show up with food, or money. I just opened mail with money in it that I didn't ask for.

On the way to Darlene's to pick up Vegas this afternoon, I thought, "better duck in and pay the internet bill now or I won't have a chance until next week." So I stopped.

Heading into the Cable office, I heard my name, but it took me a second to realize the person calling me was Pastor Randy, whom I've not seen in years. He's talking to another pastor, conversations go a couple minutes before I'm being invited to come and share music. Can't seem to steer away, even if I'd want to, so good thing I don't want to.

Got 25 recordings ready to go to Topher for inclusion on the new site. Don't know how he's gonna set up the video section, but I'm working on video content next. I'd like to have a lot of video content, so we may have to keep the content on Youtube or Vimeo and link it from the site. Not sure how it's gonna work. But he's the man and I'm sure he'll connect it right.

Tonight's rehearsal is the last before our team leads worship at Festival this weekend. We've worked hard the last few months.

What does it say when it's only Tuesday, and your shoulders are begging for Sabbath?

Anthony asked me if I was to ride a motorcycle, what kind would I get? I don't know. I like that one that Liana used to ride. What kind was that?

Don't forget that on September 14, I'm shutting down this blog and starting the new blog: 3000 Bosses.

See you there!

15--Sorrel

So back home in the caribbean, we call it 'Sorrel.' Here it's called 'Jamaica,'

(prounounced ha-my-kah). It's a chilled tea brewed from the dried seedpod casings of a hibiscus relative. Made some, as promised, to take with me to spend some time with Katie and Nidia this evening.

Tim, Katie's brother, joined us. He's recently back from Japan. Very smart young man. I'm sure I'll continue to be impressed with his thoughtful way. Anthony and Hannah joined us too, and pretty soon we had a little party going at the kitchen table while Boy Scouts traipsed past us to their weekly meeting down the hall. That reminds me, I want to get over there to one or more of their meetings, but when would I find the time for that?

No time, not enough. See, this is why eternity becomes important. I don't have enough time to do all the stuff I already know about. Haven't been to the Japanese school yet. When I first met Nidia and Katie a couple or three months ago, I asked, "what do you like about Sheridan?" Their response was to tell me about the amazing exchange program school here in Sheridan, insisting it's one of the best things that's happened to our town, and encouraging me to go check it out. Haven't done that yet. Need more time. Must have more time.

Lots of rambling conversation, maybe not so random, but without question my favorite quote of the evening is this from Nidia:

"I hate pickles..they're just cucumbers soaked in...evil"

16--Vulnerable

Every time I perform I come home so tired. I think it's something about opening your soul in public, allowing power, whatever you believe that power to be, to flow unabated through your spirit, mind, body. It's exhausting to remain vulnerable, isn't it? Be it on stage or off, the dynamics of connection remain the same. Defenses are removed and you are seen as you are.

Four such engagements in 2 days. This morning found me curled on my couch next to my dog, praying for strength to get off my couch. Simple thing, I should be able to do this on my own. But I have now to pray for strength for the simplest of tasks. It appears rather than growing stronger, I'm getting weaker by the minute. Rather than rising to power, I seem to be fading into obscurity. This is as it should be.

I'm ready for today. I would have dearly loved to have someone to come home to last night, but that is not my situation. I realize I'm watching Stargate because the characters have become family to me. FAMILIAR is derived from family and that's what they provide--a small but familiar comfort in the illusion of someone(s) to come home to. They are episodic and can comfort me no more than 45 minutes at a time, if that.

I also came home to an email from my real family, my biologicals. It referred me to this song, which is now playing as I prepare for today's adventures.

Thank you Beautiful

Off the couch, Strender

17--Breathe

Woke up with a headache. That's been happening more of late. Not sleeping very well. Very shallow breathing. I'll consciously draw deep breaths, but within minutes I forget and go back to quick, shallow breathing until the next time I think about it.

Today the worship team is getting together for a retreat, in preparation for leading music at Festival of Tents next weekend in Brownsville. We'll be together from 9 to 3 today.

I'm also playing at a fundraiser for a mission trip, 5pm at Clockworks coffeeshop in Salem.

Speaking of playing, the band last night was really good. I couldn't hear so well, but I trust that it sounded fine out there, judging by peoples' response. We were playing at Methven Family Vineyards and by the first intermission, we had an invitation to play down the road at Brooks Winery.

I got to meet Jonah. He's a delightful kid. I am so impressed with his parents and the campaign they are spearheading. And I'm very proud of my friend Melissa who organized such an amazing and elegant event last night. It really was spectacular.

By the time I get home today, I'll want to exercise my rights as an introvert. It's the weirdest dichotomy, loving people as much as I do, craving time alone, being present in each phase. When I'm with people, I'm loving that moment and the shared connection. When I'm alone, I'm remembering to breathe deeply and rest and stand in the river and play with my dog. Without the rest I could not collect my thoughts or repair my body enough to have energy for the other phase. Without the people, I'd grow rested and stronger without purpose. Strength without purpose is rogue strength. It's an un-focused power which can do only damage, or at best, sporadic and accidental good.

I'm gonna lay here and breathe a while longer. Then we'll sing and eat like family.

19--Faster and faster

So yesterday I received an invitation to coach a company at an offsite retreat during a period of company growth. With commitments as they currently stand I had to rearrange a couple things to make it fit the schedule, but we can work it out. I have reached that stage where I have to say no to some things. This one seemed important to say yes to.

In my work as a Life Coach I facilitate life design for several clients. I need to revisit my own planning process because now there's so much happening that I need to make decisions about what stays and what goes.

For the next 4 months, I'm still carrying responsibility to my job, but the ministry and business are reaching launch velocity. I think I can handle all of it for 4 months, but that will mean very judicious use of time and I will have to say no to many things I would like to engage.

My alliteration for the day, 3D: Do, Delete, Delegate. This is how I'm going to approach my life design. Some things I'll have to do myself, as I'm am essential to that part of the process, but some things that have to be done, don't have to be done by me. I can delegate much. And some things simply won't get done and they'll be deleted from the plan.

I'm spending today preparing mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually for the Fundraiser event tomorrow. We've begun each rehearsal with prayer not just for a good synergy as musicians, but for healing for Jonah. I am not just a musician, I'm a man of faith and I believe that God can heal this boy without research.

I got in a conversation with someone about this type of faith being labeled "magic faith." The connotation of archaic simplicity was attached to the label.

I do have faith in medical process, and I think that the knowledge on which that process draws is bestowed by a source, an all-knowing source, with benevolent intent.

Do you see what I'm getting at here? If you're a praying person, join us in this. I'm also excited that the band is going to deliver a great performance tomorrow to entertain our guests and hopefully encourage them to give money to the medical research of a cure for Jonah. Do I need to feel this conflict about supporting both efforts? Are they mutually exclusive? Does it betray my faith in Divine Power to organize human efforts?

How do faith and work walk hand in hand?