1-starting from zero

This is my final entry in this blog. Thank you for reading and contributing to it. I'll continue blogging, but tomorrow I'll blog directly to my website www.lennoxfleary.com

Tomorrow I will have completed 40 trips in a cosmic circle. Maybe I've learned something from going round all these times. This blog was a record of my 40th orbit around the sun, hence the countdown to zero in the title numbers.

The new blog will document the adventure I've dubbed "Three Thousand Bosses"

By car and rail, I'll be traversing states and nations, meeting people and making music. Kristi and Ray blessed me by saying they think this will end with way more than 3000 Bosses. We shall see. The new blog will count upward starting from zero. The orbit ends, the hiring begins.

At the precise moment of change, everything goes to zero.

Thanks for your support.

Goodnight, Beautiful...

Goodnight, Strender

2--Final Frontier

I got my heart broken today. When I looked to see who had done it, I saw only myself.

5--Drunken

One hour massage from Eva Rose at Knowledge Massage this afternoon. Amazing! I love her holistic approach to care. She's ministering to your spirit as well as relaxing and healing your body. Funny thing, I had some kind of euphoria afterward, so I showed up at Cornerstone to meet with Janna, sporting the most loving attitude. I could hear the universe singing. I could feel my skin flirting with my shirt.

I was like that drunk guy at the bar who loves everybody. You know the guy, "drinks for everyone!"

That's pretty much how I was at 4:30 this afternoon. Massages for everyone, I'm buying. Then I realized I can't afford to buy all of you guys a massage, but it's only $35 an hour right now, plus there's a special introductory offer. Blah, blah, blah, I love you. Call Eva NOW!!!

If you live near 97128, check out Knowledge Massage.

503-857-5563

I'm serious. I'm not drunk. For real. For serious.

5--Chellie Campbell Article: Everyone's In Sales

I went back to Los Angeles in 2005, worked at Carsdirect.com for a few months and then moved into video production at EyeAppeal Media, a videography company out of Canoga Park. The owners are long time friends of mine--I went to college with Deedra.

Deedra would send me out to networking functions to meet and greet vendors and suppliers who might have interest or relevant need for our services. I met some amazing people during those networking tours. I also learned how to deliver a 30-second "elevator speech."

One of the most dynamic personalities I encountered at a WRS (Worthwhile Referral Source) meeting was Chellie Campbell, who simply captivates an audience from the very first moment. I learned many things from her, although we never had more than two brief conversations. I have continued to receive her emails since 2006, and more than once now I have noticed subroutines in my thinking about money and wealth, that were likely installed by her writing and persona.

Here is an article included in a recent email from Chellie:

# 204 Everyone’s in Sales

“I don’t care how many degrees you have on the wall, if you don’t know how to sell, you’re probably going to starve.”—George Forman

Some of the stories in this book look like they’re meant just for salespeople and business owners. They aren’t. If you are a salaried employee, someone owns the business you work for and someone is in charge of raising the money to run it. Top salaries and perks are handed out to the people who are best at bringing in the money. Learn how they do it and contribute to the cause. Be one of the people who care about cash flow, cutting expenses, maximum efficiency, and productivity. Look for opportunities to maximize income and minimize expenses. Anyone can do this. Put yourself in your bosses’ shoes and think as they think. What do you think they want most—and how can you give them that? Be one of the profit centers of the business and your success will be assured.

Everyone is in sales. When you convince your significant other to go with you to the movie you want to see, that’s a sale. When you convince your child to stay in school, that’s a sale. When you convince a friend to stop drinking, that’s a sale.

I’m reminded of a conversation I had one day with a boyfriend named Bobby. I was trying to convince him to go with me to a movie. Well, Bobby was a salesperson too, and all of a sudden noticed all the sales techniques I was using on him. He said, “Chellie, you are closing all the time and you don’t even know you’re doing it!”

When I said, “Well, you know you want to see me,” he said, “That’s the Assumptive Close!” I continued, “And we could either go see that romantic comedy or the spy movie” and he said, “That’s the Alternative of Choice Close!” I said, “We would have fun, get to laugh, eat popcorn, have some balance in our lives, and the only down side is taking some time away from work.” “Benjamin Franklin Close!” Bobby hooted. “So what do you think?” I said, and stopped talking. Bobby didn’t say anything either. After a long silence, Bobby said, “Final Close, and The Next One Who Speaks Loses. I guess that’s me.” And so we went to the movies!

We’re all making sales every day. Use your powers of persuasion to convince others to contribute to your charity, organize political action, improve the schools in your community, or help you turn a hobby into a money-making home business. Help your company to make more money—and then convince the powers that be to give you a raise. The raise will not come automatically—you have to ask for it and show the reasons why you deserve it. It’s a sale.
You are a marvelous, creative human being and endless opportunities await you. Look for them. Then sell your way into them.

Today’s Affirmation: “I am a marvelous, creative person and wonderful opportunities await me.”

Please feel free to copy this article and use it wherever you like. Just include the following “author box” for attribution:

Chellie Campbell is the creator of the Financial Stress Reduction® Workshops, and author of The Wealthy Spirit and Zero to Zillionaire. She has been prominently quoted as a financial expert in the Los Angeles Times, Good Housekeeping, Lifetime, Essence, Woman’s World and more than 50 popular books. She can be reached at Chellie@chellie.com

6--yearning learning

Out of the depths of anguish, my soul cried to the Lord...Isn't that something David would say? Or did he actually say exactly that? There's a song my worship team's been learning and singing lately. I think it's from the Jesus Culture band out of Redding, CA. It's starts off..."my soul longs for you, nothing else will do"...

I've remarked over and again that I don't feel qualified to sing that since I don't really feel like my soul actually longs for God. I can't honestly say that I desire so greatly to be with God that I would define my need as a longing, or a yearning.

On Friday I was part of a conversation about personality types, as profiled by the Myers Briggs Indicator system. I'm an undoubted introvert. Yesterday Christopher said, I keep thinking, "what! Lennox is an invert?"

It's true. After enough time with people, I want to come away and be alone in the silence that allows me to heal something within. It's a familiar pattern. I've seen it and practiced it to the point of ritual. Except, now it's not working so good....

What to do when silence is not enough? I think of Merna's posting, "Do I hear you in my silence?"

Well, do I?

And is this growing desire for more, the beginning of a yearning? Is this how yearning happens? I'm quite sure I don't want human company. Vegas, at least, ignores my crazy antics and all the things I say to the walls.

My soul longs for you

My soul longs for you

Nothing else will do

Nothing else will do

I believe you will come like the rain.

Good thing I moved to Oregon.

So, um....ah, well...

let it rain?

7-Moving In Your Power

Seems I've regained the ability to sleep in. And having dreams, to boot. Time to return to the "real" world. Spent an entire weekend at worship with family, couple hundred of my closest friends.

Got lost in this song I'm recording bass for. It's by Truth Knox, long-time family. 4 hours pumping the same message through my headphones yesterday, and again this morning. It's amazing how you internalize what you feed into your senses. I'm listening to it right now as I prepare for work.

When the final mix is available, I have Truth's permission to include this song in the "Bosses" section of the new website.

I remember why I became a bass player. It's a quiet, unobtrusive position. If I do my job well, you don't need to know I'm there. If all goes well, I can remain relatively invisible. Shouldn't draw any attention unless I'm messing up or doing too much. This track let's me do that, support without being seen.

God does what He does--I just work here.

Have a great day, Beautiful

Time to name your exit date, Strender

11--Windrose

Windrose Retreat Center in Newberg, beautiful space. Right next to the highway, I've driven past this location so many times and never even knew it was here. It's almost 3 pm. I've been with this company for 7 hours now. I feel their passion and I admire their tenacity. I hope this conversation is helpful to them. I'm wondering if I'm helping? Is this just an annoying exercise for them?

11--Retreat

Off to Newberg to facilitate company retreat for a manufacturing company based in Mcminnville. That's all day from 8am to 5pm, and then in the car to head straight to Brownsville for church retreat, Festival of Tents.

I was telling the Osterlunds, I'm not a camper. Not so much. As in, not really at all. So I borrowed Corey's rachet set yesterday, took the back seat out of my SUV and stuck a single mattress in the back there. Perfect fit. This was my favorite accomplishment yesterday. I don't see the point of losing sleep on a retreat for lack of comfort.

13--Up on the hill

Dinner with the Osterlunds--so much laughter. Last time I spoke at church, I went off on a metaphor of Power and how it can only be accessed by maintaining connection. At the end of the service, John Osterlund came up to me and said,

"You know, there's no power without resistance."

We picked up from there tonight. The electrical conduit that brings the power to the bulb is designed with low resistance, because its job is to get the power to where it's needed. But the place where work must be accomplished is waylaid with resistance, because it's the action of power against resistance that makes that light bulb glow, or those fan-blades spin.

I learn a lot from my conversations with John. Tonight he challenged my self-righteousness about playing music to drunk audiences.

"There's probably no one closer to depending on Jesus than drunks and drug addicts--they've already learned how to depend..."

Hmmm, John, I think you're right. I was wrong. Even though I know in my heart that God loves us exactly where we are, I spoke out of my insecurity. Thank you for the reminder. I'm finding that age 40 seems a good time to outgrow the illusion of self-righteousness. It's when you've lived long enough to know you're a jackass, and long enough to realize Jesus likes you still. I suppose I should use my last 13 days to feel as right as possible before I lose that claim entirely.

Feeling pretty humbled today. Cathy called me on the fact I have too many people in my life and can't keep up with all of them. The 18 unchecked voicemail messages on my phone agree. Well, 17 of them agree. Truth just calls to talk to my voicemail anyway--they have a thing. If she accidentally gets me on the phone, she'll talk to me too, but really, I know when I'm just a substitute.

Don't know what to do about the fact there are so many people in my life, but I've been thinking about it for years. And I know one thing I do want to change by living in the same place for a long while, is how well I'm known. I not only want to know many people, but live with, dwell among, and be deeply known, by a few. Somewhere in this balance of family and community and world, there is room to connect at the level each relationship can bear. Hence, dinner. With the Osterlunds.

I was sad today so I ate peanut butter cookies, which made me sadder cause they don't taste as good as I want them to. Cantaloupe is so much better.

14--in passing

God is supplying what I need. Work is not back up to full speed. I'm getting 8 hours a day times three days is 24 hours a week compared to my usual 34.5 In the meantime I have ample opportunity to watch him provide. People have been bringing me food, unsolicited. They just show up with food, or money. I just opened mail with money in it that I didn't ask for.

On the way to Darlene's to pick up Vegas this afternoon, I thought, "better duck in and pay the internet bill now or I won't have a chance until next week." So I stopped.

Heading into the Cable office, I heard my name, but it took me a second to realize the person calling me was Pastor Randy, whom I've not seen in years. He's talking to another pastor, conversations go a couple minutes before I'm being invited to come and share music. Can't seem to steer away, even if I'd want to, so good thing I don't want to.

Got 25 recordings ready to go to Topher for inclusion on the new site. Don't know how he's gonna set up the video section, but I'm working on video content next. I'd like to have a lot of video content, so we may have to keep the content on Youtube or Vimeo and link it from the site. Not sure how it's gonna work. But he's the man and I'm sure he'll connect it right.

Tonight's rehearsal is the last before our team leads worship at Festival this weekend. We've worked hard the last few months.

What does it say when it's only Tuesday, and your shoulders are begging for Sabbath?

Anthony asked me if I was to ride a motorcycle, what kind would I get? I don't know. I like that one that Liana used to ride. What kind was that?

Don't forget that on September 14, I'm shutting down this blog and starting the new blog: 3000 Bosses.

See you there!

15--Sorrel

So back home in the caribbean, we call it 'Sorrel.' Here it's called 'Jamaica,'

(prounounced ha-my-kah). It's a chilled tea brewed from the dried seedpod casings of a hibiscus relative. Made some, as promised, to take with me to spend some time with Katie and Nidia this evening.

Tim, Katie's brother, joined us. He's recently back from Japan. Very smart young man. I'm sure I'll continue to be impressed with his thoughtful way. Anthony and Hannah joined us too, and pretty soon we had a little party going at the kitchen table while Boy Scouts traipsed past us to their weekly meeting down the hall. That reminds me, I want to get over there to one or more of their meetings, but when would I find the time for that?

No time, not enough. See, this is why eternity becomes important. I don't have enough time to do all the stuff I already know about. Haven't been to the Japanese school yet. When I first met Nidia and Katie a couple or three months ago, I asked, "what do you like about Sheridan?" Their response was to tell me about the amazing exchange program school here in Sheridan, insisting it's one of the best things that's happened to our town, and encouraging me to go check it out. Haven't done that yet. Need more time. Must have more time.

Lots of rambling conversation, maybe not so random, but without question my favorite quote of the evening is this from Nidia:

"I hate pickles..they're just cucumbers soaked in...evil"

16--Vulnerable

Every time I perform I come home so tired. I think it's something about opening your soul in public, allowing power, whatever you believe that power to be, to flow unabated through your spirit, mind, body. It's exhausting to remain vulnerable, isn't it? Be it on stage or off, the dynamics of connection remain the same. Defenses are removed and you are seen as you are.

Four such engagements in 2 days. This morning found me curled on my couch next to my dog, praying for strength to get off my couch. Simple thing, I should be able to do this on my own. But I have now to pray for strength for the simplest of tasks. It appears rather than growing stronger, I'm getting weaker by the minute. Rather than rising to power, I seem to be fading into obscurity. This is as it should be.

I'm ready for today. I would have dearly loved to have someone to come home to last night, but that is not my situation. I realize I'm watching Stargate because the characters have become family to me. FAMILIAR is derived from family and that's what they provide--a small but familiar comfort in the illusion of someone(s) to come home to. They are episodic and can comfort me no more than 45 minutes at a time, if that.

I also came home to an email from my real family, my biologicals. It referred me to this song, which is now playing as I prepare for today's adventures.

Thank you Beautiful

Off the couch, Strender

17--Breathe

Woke up with a headache. That's been happening more of late. Not sleeping very well. Very shallow breathing. I'll consciously draw deep breaths, but within minutes I forget and go back to quick, shallow breathing until the next time I think about it.

Today the worship team is getting together for a retreat, in preparation for leading music at Festival of Tents next weekend in Brownsville. We'll be together from 9 to 3 today.

I'm also playing at a fundraiser for a mission trip, 5pm at Clockworks coffeeshop in Salem.

Speaking of playing, the band last night was really good. I couldn't hear so well, but I trust that it sounded fine out there, judging by peoples' response. We were playing at Methven Family Vineyards and by the first intermission, we had an invitation to play down the road at Brooks Winery.

I got to meet Jonah. He's a delightful kid. I am so impressed with his parents and the campaign they are spearheading. And I'm very proud of my friend Melissa who organized such an amazing and elegant event last night. It really was spectacular.

By the time I get home today, I'll want to exercise my rights as an introvert. It's the weirdest dichotomy, loving people as much as I do, craving time alone, being present in each phase. When I'm with people, I'm loving that moment and the shared connection. When I'm alone, I'm remembering to breathe deeply and rest and stand in the river and play with my dog. Without the rest I could not collect my thoughts or repair my body enough to have energy for the other phase. Without the people, I'd grow rested and stronger without purpose. Strength without purpose is rogue strength. It's an un-focused power which can do only damage, or at best, sporadic and accidental good.

I'm gonna lay here and breathe a while longer. Then we'll sing and eat like family.

19--Faster and faster

So yesterday I received an invitation to coach a company at an offsite retreat during a period of company growth. With commitments as they currently stand I had to rearrange a couple things to make it fit the schedule, but we can work it out. I have reached that stage where I have to say no to some things. This one seemed important to say yes to.

In my work as a Life Coach I facilitate life design for several clients. I need to revisit my own planning process because now there's so much happening that I need to make decisions about what stays and what goes.

For the next 4 months, I'm still carrying responsibility to my job, but the ministry and business are reaching launch velocity. I think I can handle all of it for 4 months, but that will mean very judicious use of time and I will have to say no to many things I would like to engage.

My alliteration for the day, 3D: Do, Delete, Delegate. This is how I'm going to approach my life design. Some things I'll have to do myself, as I'm am essential to that part of the process, but some things that have to be done, don't have to be done by me. I can delegate much. And some things simply won't get done and they'll be deleted from the plan.

I'm spending today preparing mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually for the Fundraiser event tomorrow. We've begun each rehearsal with prayer not just for a good synergy as musicians, but for healing for Jonah. I am not just a musician, I'm a man of faith and I believe that God can heal this boy without research.

I got in a conversation with someone about this type of faith being labeled "magic faith." The connotation of archaic simplicity was attached to the label.

I do have faith in medical process, and I think that the knowledge on which that process draws is bestowed by a source, an all-knowing source, with benevolent intent.

Do you see what I'm getting at here? If you're a praying person, join us in this. I'm also excited that the band is going to deliver a great performance tomorrow to entertain our guests and hopefully encourage them to give money to the medical research of a cure for Jonah. Do I need to feel this conflict about supporting both efforts? Are they mutually exclusive? Does it betray my faith in Divine Power to organize human efforts?

How do faith and work walk hand in hand?

27--Heavy

It's been about 3 years since that conversation with Fayez. We met through a mutual friend, Bjorn, at a crucial time in my journey through Hollywood.

Fayez grew up Muslim. Of the things we talked about, there is this gem that revisits me tonight:

"It is customary in my culture to say to someone experiencing hardship or difficult circumstance, God must like you!"

"I know it seems weird to say, but the idea is that God must like you to entrust you with such a large burden. He must think well of you and believe that you are worthy of honor, or He would not give you such a task to accomplish. He must think your character is highly valuable to further develop it with such great resistance."

Personally, I'm not feeling burdened right now. In fact, I just came from an amazing rehearsal with Emmanuel, Joshua, Bethany, and Tammy. I'll be glowing a while from the warmth of the camaraderie and music. For some reason, though, that conversation with Fayez drove home with me in the moonlight, so I wanted to share it with you.

If you're going through something that threatens to break you, let me offer you the perspective of my friend, with whom I've not communicated in far too long: God must like you!

Have a great weekend, Beautiful...

Shabbat Shalom, Strender

27--My office

My office is portable. I love it. Macbook and cellphone, I'm good to go, how may I help you?

Started the day at Slow Train, Nick's shop. I really love the way our community meets and interacts at his place. Meredith shared the concept of the "third place" with me. People need a place to live, a place to work, and a "third place," a place to hang out and relax and connect and interact and share lives. Nick's shop is that place for so many people in this town. Thanks for what you're doing here, Nick.

Met Barbara today, a videographer and graphic artist from Orange County, looking sideways at this town, wondering if it's the next chapter of her life.

Now I'm still in my office, but it's moved outside to the grass next to the railroad track. Vegas gets bored when I'm working indoors and there's nothing for him to do but lie on the couch and wait until I'm ready to walk to the river or something. Well, today I'm working out here and he can pay attention to all the interesting sights and smells today's office provides.

28--Mactown

My little town, Sheridan, is 12 miles from Mcminnville. Another awesome town, slightly bigger, 26,000 population. Met Travis and Jake at Cornerstone to plan a video. Aaron was at the c0unter--I would have liked to hear the 8 songs his band has recorded so far, but it didn't work out this time.

Ran into Kathy Aplin too--she was having the Peach Pizazzz, I tried one; so good, soo good!

Never been to the Thursday Farmer's Market (for Farmers who only farm on Thursday) before. How much amazing food can you fit on a single city block?

Met photographer Torrey Engberg Smith. Great nature scenes.

Also ran into a friend who had a flower booth at the market and she sent me over to introduce myself to Barbara Boyer who runs the thing, which I did and got on the list of musical entertainers for the market. Thanks Lisa!

28--A bucketful

Ever feel like you're standing at the edge of a crater, trying to fill it with the dirt in a 5-gallon bucket? How do you do that thing that seems impossible? How do you get a town excited about community when it appears we are afraid to trust each other?

What becomes apparent to me is that only a miracle can fill this crater. Clayton just reminded us of a story where God sends ravens with food to a homeless prophet camped by a brook in a drought-scorched land. Is that like the family who gave me this box of 100 nutrition bars last week? 260 Calories each, and you know I'm on the hunt for calories to fuel the energetic demands of this lifestyle. Certified organic, amazingly healthy list of ingredients, taste great (thank you Lord for the reminder--I'd forgotten how much I love chocolate), made by Greens +

You know, I think it's important to approach the crater and tip over your bucket. It's an act of faith. We all know that 5 gallons of dirt won't fill the volcano. And the volcano's just the dormant scar left by former explosive trauma. What if the thing goes active again? What if I aggravate a new eruption? Do you even want to go near it, let alone attempt to fill it?

That's where the magic comes in. I tip my bucket and He fills the hole. My bucket would appear insignificant by comparison to His miracle, but it appears the miracle was activated or unleashed by whatever was in that bucket. I thought it was dirt, it could have been faith.

Remember when the disciples had 5000 people to feed and all they had was a kid's lunch? So Jesus said, you're right, it's a drop in a bucket, a bucket in a crater, you should quit now, that's completely impractical, and for that matter, impossible.

That's not what He said. He said, "feed them."

Then, seeing the doubt on their faces, He said, "well at least tell them to sit down."

Tip the bucket, yo. See what happens.

29--FFA

I love my small country town. I love that on the drive home just now, I interrupted someone who emerged from his front yard into the road and launched his crossing without looking either way. Then when he did realize my car was coming, he lurched to a stop and glared at me as I drove past, no doubt berating my insolence at driving a car on a road he's obviously about to walk on.

I love that at night there are 14 gazillion stars overhead. I distinctly remember that the big city I lived in not so long ago couldn't afford more that a dozen stars at a time, and sometimes the ones I counted at first glance turned out to be planes circling the international airport. I love that my little town has an airport where the strip is overgrown with grass and flowers and I take my dog there to run.

Sure, life is slower here, but if you're looking for what I'm looking for, that's a good thing.

I'm puzzled, though, because I keep hearing from people who live in this town how it's not the place to be. I hear from so many that the only thing to look for in this town is an exit. Take one and keep going. With little or no encouragement, I've had residents launch tirades, full-fledged diatribes on what is wrong with this town. I got tired of hearing what's wrong with this town so I started asking a different question: "What right with this town?"

Sheridan, founded in 1880, home to 5, 580 residents.

I met Roy Whitman today. He's actually from the next town over, Willamina. He's the Agricultural Science & Technology Instructor at the local high school. We had a beer together and he had just started telling me about his Christmas project when I realized that's why I know his name... just last Saturday Meredith told me about this teacher who has his class pack food and care packages for families in need at Christmas.

Preparations continue for Jonah's fundraiser on the 27th. The band is rehearsing again on Friday night. I think Tammy will be back from California by then, so this will be her first rehearsal with us. So far it's been the rhythm section and two vocals. The other two vocals are Tammy and Liana. That reminds me, Liana's in San Francisco to audition for American Idol tomorrow. Good luck, little sister!

You know, there are things that I have to be grateful for and say thank you to God about. Like someone just out of the blue gave me a $50 gift card last week. I'm short on money because of reduced hours at work, and this guy would have no way of knowing my situation, but he just said to me, "I've had this in my pocket a while and I think I'm supposed to give it to you."

Little things like that just brighten my day and also make me feel like I am hearing and following my path as designed.

Lots of appointments tomorrow. I'm signing off now.

Truth, I still haven't gotten that bassline for you. I'll listen to your tune while I work on other stuff tomorrow so hopefully, I'll hear something and be able to record it for you on Friday.

30--sleep or drive, but not both

Figured I'd know it was time to let go of the job when there was enough to do on the music side that I simply could no longer keep up with the job. It must be close. Exhausted on the job today. After last night's 3-hour rehearsal, I'm really glad it was a busy day. The adrenaline kept me moving. Had I nothing to do at work today, I would have had a very hard time. Close to dozing 3 times on my drive home. Don't need to be a hazard to folks on the road. Need rest.

Rest is 4 hours away right now. Tonight's rehearsal begins at 7 and usually goes to 10.

Is it possible I'm allergic to my dog? I get itchy after I've played with him.